Athena has a Monster

I don't need a lot of help spooking myself; I have an active imagination and I could write some pretty gruesome tales. I don't watch anything scary. If it has an ounce of scary I won't watch it, read it, or listen to it. It will bother me for too long and disturb my peace too much. Likewise, I keep Athena from anything scary. I don't want her seeing violence, or anything like that. No spooky eerie music, nothing that is intended to spook. At all. I take my peace very seriously and I protect hers. There is a solid strength in a person's peace and it's not something I want to undermine.

Well, she's going through a phase where she won't let us leave her room after we put her in bed for the night. She is afraid. And she's also been waking up at night crying, and I think she's got some fears. She'll look at the top of her dresser like she's afraid of it. She did this a couple months ago then forgot about it, and now she's picking it back up again.

Tonight she pointed at her door and said in a worried tone, "blue eyes, white teeth." My daughter has a monster in her room... :( I asked if he was her friend and she said yes, but that's just because she's agreeable and doesn't know how to verbalize any other answer. So then I gave her some extra toys and books in her bed; I told her to read a book to her babies and I put some kid lullaby music on. Maybe I'll have to put something up on the wall in her room. Like a wow wow wubbzy decal, or princess decal- something that will be sure to chase any monsters away... Some princesses though, -if you stare at them in the dark long enough, start to wiggle their eyebrows and scowl at you. You see what I deal with? There goes my active imagination again. :)

Mundane Observation

I pulled my broom out and started sweeping with it and when my mom saw it she burst into laughter. "What, is so funny?" I asked, amused at her amusement. She pointed, "You call that a broom?" Apparently I've been sweeping with a reject for years and didn't really know it was a problem. She bought me a new one. And. Ohhh. - yes a bit of sarcasm there, but truly; it is an awesome broom. It moves smooth like a plump wet paintbrush. It makes the other one feel like a tree branch scraping in the dirt. I think my floor almost seems happy to be caressed by it.

I have an idea how my former broom got that way; I did have a rabbit who liked to chew on it when I'd sweep. He thought it was an aggressive game the way some dogs chase mowers or water hoses.

And I realize, it's just like me to use something and never realize it could be so much better. It was like that when Conrad suggested I get glasses. I didn't know I had a problem seeing till I almost went off the road in the night. After getting glasses/contacts my world is sooo much better!

Now we are car shopping and I think, "this car still runs, maybe we don't need a new one." But after test driving a few cars we pile into our own college car that we now fit two kids and their chunky car seats into. My knees suddenly feel like they're in my face and the dashboard is dangerously close. We almost gave that car away when it quit starting one day and nobody could fix it. It suddenly came back to life and I've been using it every day for three years since then. It has quirks - sometimes I have to tug on the starter belt to get it to start- that's because it has a flat spot in the ... something. -starter belt.

Anyway- if we find our car we'll sell the college one to my little brother, Mike, for a whopping 100 bucks. And, I can learn to love new stuff.

Birth Story- It's not gross

I always left the room when moms would swap birth stories since the time I was a kid- so I'll try to keep it ungross okay? You're welcome. :)

I was having contractions Saturday night which felt like Braxton’s and then light twinges of cramping in my back.

"Conrad, if this keeps up I think we'll have a baby tonight or tomorrow sometime." I said. We went to bed at about 12 am and I woke at 5:45 am with a start.
"Oh!"
"Are you okay?!"
"Yeah I think it's a braxton squeezing a gas bubble." I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I lumbered over to the bathroom. I hung out in there for a while and the 'gas cramps' occurred every three minutes. I knew I was in labor.

"Conrad we're having a baby! Call my mom to come stay with Athena and lets get to the hospital now." Quick rinse in the shower; because if you know my family you know that we don’t know how to leave the house without showering. Half an hour later and we were off. I sat in the back seat behind Conrad. Every minute apart, RIGHT ON the minute I had a contraction that hurt like the dickens. Once at the hospital we parked and every six feet I stopped and crouched on my knees breathing/focusing.

A few people in the parking lot stared. Nurses who were filing into work approached us. They asked if I was okay and when I couldn’t answer Conrad said, “She’s fine.” -He didn’t know what to do. :) I looked up during an off time, smiled sheepishly and said, "Hi, I'm having a baby. Maybe I’ll see you in there." I suggested a wheel chair. One ran to get one and another stayed with me.

When a contraction would end I'd scoot it- like a quick run toward the double doors: "hold on. okay lets go. wait (crouch). okay go (light jog)."- kinda thing.

In the hospital they checked and I was an 8.5 - 9. Holy crap!!! I had wanted an epidural. I NEVER planned to go natural. I was mortified when the doctor said very calmly “it's too late for an epidural, but we can send for a spinal block and hope it kicks in in time.” I got the block and it set in right away. ahhh - like a warm bath. I settled down and enjoyed the warmth. The anesthesiologist said it may wear off in one and a half to three hours- it differs for everyone. So, I told the anesthesiologist not to go far and the nurses laughed about that. “No really- don’t go far” I repeated with a smile.

But... half an hour later each contraction got stronger. It was wearing off minute by minute. It was all happening so fast. I think it was mostly worn off by the time I pushed. It was... wow- hot burn! Really tight. But I loved that I could relax in between pushes. At one point there was a lull as we all waited for the next contraction. I said, "So, does anyone know any good jokes?" We laughed and a couple seconds later I was screaming again. Those last couple pushes I cried in defeat, then he came at exactly nine o’clock. His shoulder got a little stuck. They called that shoulder distosia. He was 9' 12. They put him on me right away and I held his tiny body. He was so pretty! and soft and slimy :) I couldn't hold him long, I was so exhausted. They cleaned him up. The whole time the doc stitched me up (yes numbed)I'd wince then laugh, then wince and laugh; the whole area was tender, yet ticklish. The nurses said that it was a typical reaction.

So, physically I'm recovering really well. Emotionally I’ve recovered a lot too. He's eating well, He mostly sleeps. Day five and he's getting his days and nights sorted out. It was wonderful having Conrad’s mom up to watch him for a night so we could sleep. We really needed that. I'm coming off being very emotional- sad and then really happy. I'm looking forward to spending quality time with both my sweet kids and getting us all on a firm schedule. And getting to know each other again! I miss Athena. She has changed so much and I just want to love every bit of this new her before she's gone again. I had expected to teach her that she wasn’t being replaced, but I hadn’t expected myself to feel like she had been replaced.

He's so tiny and she's so -- enormous! I thought she was little before, but she's a kid now. :)

pictures now, story later

Here are some pictures of Athena's budding personality. The last one where she is looking up at me makes me want to turn around and make sure she feels like the most important person in the universe, despite her tiny size there.

Athena is Changing

These last few days she has;

Learned to climb up the bar stool onto the counter. She grabbed the biggest knife we own and put it in one of many glass mason jars that were up there with her at the time.

She climbs up on the piano and grabs at the Christmas decorations. She slipped off the piano bench and almost took the decorations with her.

She got her whole body stuck in the six-inch space under her bed. When I ran upstairs to respond to her muffled cries for help I didn't see her anywhere, but once I lifted the dust ruffle I found her laying there, her head wedged between the bed frame's wheel and the headboard.

She bit into one of my prenatal pills but brought it to me, spit out in her hand because it was, "yucky."

She reached into her diaper during nap time and pulled out some poop and painted the carpet with it.

The first thing she did when I showed her her new toy shelving was to climb into it. - This climbing- it's not like her at all- this is totally new.

I stopped her in the nick of time yesterday when she climbed onto her piano and almost pulled a house plant onto her head.

She stumbles and wiggles a lot! It's hard to wash her up and other basics with my huge belly, lack of energy, and slow response time; but that will change in a few weeks :)

Tonight she ran downstairs naked having escaped the bathtub. That's new.

And bud-a-bing, just now as I type this there was a loud bonk against the floor upstairs. She fell out of bed. I found the flush-faced bedhead sitting, confused and cranky in a pile of blankets.

To top it all off she doesn't listen worth beans. Especially while in public. It's very irritating.

But; I love that girl. I need my energy back though. This is really gonna be tough having two.

Creepy Little Mouse

I was talking to Conrad on the phone when I saw this creepy mouse shadow. We hung up and I opened the blinds to reveal a little gray mouse. He crawled all over the screen for a while and then he fell eight feet to the cement below and scurried off. I didn't know what to do with it or myself so I took video footage.

I showed the video to Athena and she put her hands over her heart and said, "cute yidder mouse." (yidder = little)When he fell down she looked at me alarmed and started to cry. I told her, "It's okay he's happy! He ran off to the garden." she felt reassured and told me, "ty again" (try again - meaning she wants me to replay)

Click here to see the video Creepy Mouse

Photo Update

Christmas Dress

Athena's got the camera
Painted the Nursery!! That was a fun date.
Athena and I were dancing to a slow song and she suddenly grabbed my face and wouldn't let me go. We had a moment. :)
On our way home from visiting Grandma Patty, Athena fell asleep with some loot she got while we were there.
We took a little tour of the farm.
And tried out the tire swing. Don't crack jokes about my size! I was dubbed the cranky rhino earlier- I only learned this AFTER I was in the car all dressed in... gray! Hehe- with the mood to match the title.
Playing with daddy after work.

I had a Baby Shower

My friend and I shared a baby shower Saturday. We're due three days apart from each other. It was fun! I decided I like the joint showers because then I'm not in the limelight all alone. We both won some great loot. On the same day Conrad went shooting, then he went paint balling, then he had a LAN party. All with my brothers. By the end of the day he was tired of shooting stuff. Also on the same day Athena had her first birthday party. She gave a doll stroller to the two-year-old birthday girl from her nursery class at church. While there I gathered ideas for Athena's soon to be two-year-old party. It was a busy day and we were so ready to sleep by the end of it.

Halloween!

Athena loved Halloween. She's really getting into the spirit of different holidays and it's so fun to get her excited about them. Conrad was Indiana Jones, I was a Geisha, and Athena was a fairy.
Later the next day Athena asked me to put her fairy wings back on and when I did she stood up and said, pointing outside, "pay haween?" (play Halloween?) She thought we could go trick or treating again. I told her Halloween was all done, but she could eat her candy if she wanted.

Photo Update

Reading stacks of library books

Getting bigger (Due Nov 30th)

And Conrad's soccer season just ended

I admit, I am a Spy

Athena was playing with the baby monitor first thing this morning and it picked up someone else's house. It was a man saying somewhat grumpily, "What are you doing?" to which there was no answer. Well I am nosy and a bit of a muckraker; I left it on and carried it downstairs with me as I made up some breakfast for us. I heard nothing until the father spoke with the baby who's words seemed to say, "I'm two." The father sang twinkle twinkle little star and the baby copied it. It was sweet. No abuse there. Good. I was satisfied with that and turned it off.

I admit, I am a spy. I like to know about my neighbors. And it's not always to collect shady info; one of my neighbors keeps an immaculate lawn. He does all his yard work on Mondays because Monday is his day off. He ALWAYS mows in a tie-died shirt. Always. A couple weeks ago he mowed on a Tuesday and NOT in a tie died shirt. Boy did that shake my world up! :)

Another of my neighbors who has since moved out, had two pit bulls I could see from my upstairs window. I once suspected that neighbor of involving his dogs in dog fight rings. But no evidence ever came of it, and it was most likely untrue.

Another neighbor spoke rudely to his wife while they set up a summer slide and pool for their three year old. -I was in my backyard too, just in earshot. When the wife made an almost inaudible suggestion on how to add shade to the set up, the husband said somewhat explosively, "that's stupid (wife's name)!" When this man talks you can hear him a couple backyards away. He is loud and bossy and abrasive. And I have often suspected him of verbal abuse. They always leave their backyard house light on. - that has nothing to do with abuse- it's just something I noticed.

Most of my suspicions are ungrounded and would never hold up in court, but I still watch. I keep an ear out for anything usual or unusual. I typically know every house who owns a dog and what breed of dog it is; that's because I am irrationally afraid of dogs and I feel like the more I 'know' which houses are 'dog' houses the more in control of the situation I am in. It actually heightens my anxiety over it and I am in fact in less control because I decided to care and take notice, instead of coasting by the house blissfully unaware. And really- I have to be careful because I have seen myself, on some days, turning into one of those hermits who never leaves her house but watches the world through mini blinds. okay that sounds like I sit by the window all day long. -no, I don't do that. But when I walk by my windows I look out them. Athena pulls me out of it because, she has social needs, and it's my job to see those needs are met.

Otherwise who knows what I would become!

Which 'Child' are You?

Here's a poem I learned from MIL that is kind of fun:

Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace
Wednesday's child is full of woe
Thursday's child has far to go
Friday's child is loving and giving
Saturday's child works hard for a living
But the child born on the Sabbath day
is fair and wise and good and gay.
- Mother Goose

To calculate your day of birth plug in your numbers here: Calculate Day of Birth


I'm a Wednesday
Conrad is a Sunday
Athena is a Tuesday

We went to the Zoo

We went to the zoo and Athena's favorite was the monkey cage. She kept mentioning "thatsa' mommy," "thasa' daddy," "thasa' baby." She is making sense of her world and classifies every adult male as a daddy, every woman as a mommy, and every kid as a baby. Yesterday she said, "bye bye daddy!" to the trash man. Uh oh Conrad.

Yesterday she stood on a chair and looked intently on a fly that came to sit on the chair's back. She gave it her sweetest smile, hunkered her little back down in a humble proposition as she cupped both her baby hands toward the bug. She directed some baby-lish at the fly in a sweet sing-song voice. Her face was the epitome of sweet humility; I just had to stop and enjoy it for a bit. I was going to record it, but the camera was upstairs, so I just watched instead. She gently moved her cupped palms toward the bug, entreating it to hop inside, but it flew away. She laughed as it buzzed around her. And - she goes back and forth: The other day I let her play with a worm and the worm ended up in a few crumbly pieces. Slugs though- they are very durable and she likes their little searching eyes. So unless her hands are salty, slugs are the best outdoor toy.

She loves her Aunt Leah, my little sister who's 16 years old. We are 11 years apart and Leah is 14 years older than Athena so it's like history repeating itself. They really hit it off! We visited grandma's house and I walked into Leah's room to find the two of them sitting on Leah's bed surrounded by soft fleece animals, and pink things, and other little 'pretties' that girls play with. Athena was smiling up at Leah with this total look of excited admiration. In her hand was a chap stick. Athena loves chap stick. I don't know why, but it makes her feel so special to have it in her little hand and reapply it every couple seconds. I've had to take it away in the past because it's messy on a cream colored couch. If she didn't dig in it I'd let her hold it longer. Anyway she looked up at me with this excited special smile and her eyes got big like she was about to have to protect her happy girlish moment. But I wasn't there to confiscate the chap stick. I kissed her head and said, "Do you have chap stick?!" She giggled excitedly. "You feel special!" Then I left the two of them to each other. Later I joked with Leah, "One of these days I won't be cool anymore and she's going to turn to you. You better steer her right!" :)

And an update on me: I'm 33 weeks along so only 7 weeks left to go! Holy moly- I'm in no hurry! Every time I hum baby kicks, and I like knowing one predictable thing about him. Every time I sing Athena says, "No! no! no!" What gives?! I have a relatively nice singing voice. (shrug)I have really enjoyed editing lately. I like being part of a team and being depended on outside of the family. It gives me a different angle of fulfillment that I don't find in my other favorite occupation... -that's mommy; just in case you inferred that I'm selling drugs or some other undercover shady deals.

I'm a scout leader for bears. I like being around those 'male' personalities. The over-excited hyped up immaturity common to that age is annoying and I'm not very patient with it. But on their better behavior, the male humor is refreshing; there's a certain open frankness there, and they just take life as it rolls. They don't over-think or hide their 'true feelings' about things. I can't find the right words right now, but a room full of boys and a room full of girls are such different rooms! I appreciate both, but I appreciate very different things about them. Each room is an entirely different experience.

I've been working in my garden, pulling weeds thigh high because it drives me crazy to see them and I hate to admit I was defeated by weeds once again this year. So come fall I hope to have it looking tidy before the snow hits. My Stella cherry looks diseased- still trying to figure out what it is. I canned a LOT of stuff this year and have really enjoyed doing it. I love seeing stocked shelves that I know will last roughly a year.

Here's what I did:
29 qts Peaches
31 pts Green beans -our own garden
16 pts and 11 qts Pears
7 qts Applesauce
4 qts Pickles
9 pts Apple pie filling
13 pts Tomato chunks - own garden (there's a lot more to come)
4 qts Tomato sauce
7 pts Salsa
10 qts apple slices
9 pts apple pie filling
1 qt apple butter

A picture would say a lot more, but maybe after I'm all done with it.

And last we put up Halloween decorations. Athena loves Halloween. She's catching the spirit of fun in it. I put up a little ghostie in the front yard that sways in the wind. -I've scared myself twice now as it moved in the corner of my eye. - lame? yes.

Four Year Olds

At the library today Athena approached a four or five year old girl who was playing kid games on one of the computers. Athena had just surveyed all the stuffed animals in the library and had not found a single Elmo, so she was talking about it. She was asking the little girl, "Es Elmo?" (Where's Elmo) and then pointing at the girl's screen- a shapes matching game- "ooh! sat?" (Ooh what's that?) For the first time the girl turned from her game and said to Athena, "Will you go away?" then went back to her game. That didn't mean a thing to Athena. I half redirected her to an older girl who was cordial enough to say hi, but Athena found herself back at the younger girl's desk. The girl took off her fat headphones, looked up at me, and said, "Will you take her away? I don't want to listen to her boss me around." Without hearing my response she put her fat headphones back on and returned to her game.

Surprised and annoyed I took Athena's tiny hand in mine and led her to some book shelves. Wow.

In times past I watched a four year old shake a 12-month old Athena's hand off his shirt when she used him as a climbing/steadying rail. He was pretty annoyed with her. In another instance Athena ran down the driveway toward the two neighbor kids (who always stare at me and ask me never-ending questions - all of which have obvious answers.) She ran toward them in sheer delight; "hi! hi! hi!" she said ecstatically. As I watched her, new at walking, I hoped she wouldn't face plant on the cement. Athena looked up at the four year old girl, eyes shining for finding a new friend. The girl eyed her with a shrug and said, "I don't like babies much."

And I suppose it's normal four year old behavior. I suppose Athena will be the same way. Who knows? I'm new at this every step of the way. For now- I'm glad she doesn't understand all the rejection. I know mothers protect their children with their lives. All their heart, thoughts, love, and identity are tied into their children. Yet those very children we protect and direct- those same kids we invest all our worries, concerns and heart into - are tough! They are walking around - loved in unspeakable ways, worried for in unmeasurable amounts, and they have no clue! And the carefree kid world they live in is far different than the world adults see. I look at her innocence and I foresee it being incredibly difficult for me to send her out into a world that doesn't value her the way I do. But she will be fine, because even she doesn't understand that very value I hold for her, despite the fact that she's surrounded by it every minute of every day. That raw emotion that adults understand; the sweetest of the sweet and the bitterest of the bitter, children are protected from in a lair of unawareness. And it makes me wonder what other emotions are 'out there' that I haven't felt yet. Some emotions I hope never to experience the depth of. But it's undeniable how those emotions change our rationale and our 'person.' I see God as the ultimate parent and imagine myself as the child often. It puts life in perspective: I am four years old.

Some Favorite Scriptures

Alma 30: 27-28. Korihor, the anti-Christ, speaking here:
"And thus ye lead away the people after the foolish traditions of your fathers, and according to your own desires; and ye keep them down, even as it were in bondage, that ye may glut yourselves with the labors of their hands, that they durst not look up with boldness, and that they durst not enjoy their rights and privileges. Yea they durst not make use of that which is their own lest they should offend their priests, who do yoke them according to their desires, and have brought them to believe, by their traditions and their dreams and whims and their visions and their pretended mysteries, that they should, if they did not do according to their words, offend some unknown being, who they say is God- A being who never has been seen or known, who never was nor ever will be."

I like this clear depiction of this common line of thinking found even today. It's believable because it has a thread of truth; history proves many times over that people are controlled and coerced in the name of religion. But it is not the case in most religions. Most religions serve the need of the individual.

Alma counters, "Not withstanding the many labors which I have preformed in the church, I have never received so much as one senine for my labor... And now, if we do not receive anything for our labors in the church, what doth it profit us to labor in the church save it were to declare the truth, that we may have rejoicings in the joy of our brethren? And now believest thou that we deceive this people that causes so much joy in their hearts?"

1 Corinthians 2:13-14
"...we speak not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man perceiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: For they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."

1 Nephi 21:23
"They shall not be ashamed that wait for me."

2 Nephi 8:12-13
"I am he; yay, I am he that comforteth you. Behold, who art thou, that thou shouldst be afraid of man, who shall die, and of the son of man, who shall be made like unto grass? And forgettest the Lord thy maker, that hath stretched forth the heavens, and laid the foundations of the earth..."

2 Nephi 12:22
"Cease ye from man, whose breath is in his nostrils; for wherein is he to be accounted of?"

Alma 22:18 (A re-occurring favorite)
"Oh God...if there is a God, and if thou art God, will thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee..."

Athena update

I was about to climb in the bath with Athena when she looked at me with an easy smile and articulately said, "tou ah siddy mamma" (you are silly mama). It really floored me! I wasn't expecting it. I laughed and repeated it too like I do with every new thing she says. I climbed in feeling a little self conscious. Maybe she's getting too old for baths with mommy. Conrad has decided she's too old for bath time with him. Maybe a little longer. My baby's growing up! She'll be two in December.

Today I brought a green-shielded stink bug in from the garage for her to look at. We watched it crawl around on the kitchen chair, and floor, and on my hand. She wanted to hold it, but then got squeamish. She laughed a lot. She was really enjoying it. When he sprouted his wings and flew around we both recoiled in girly giggles.

"Should I put him outside?" I asked her.
"Yes!" she said.

On the way out the door he flew to the window and we caught him again. We watched as he stepped off my hand and crawled around on the cement. We sat a while looking over there, talking about this and that, and suddenly, I smelled a stink bug.

She had sat right on him and when I picked her up he was pretty maimed, but still alive.

"Uh-oh, the bug got an owie." I said. She was concerned. Of course she didn't know it was her fault. I finished the job with a smooth stone and knew that if she saw it smashed against the pavement she might cry about it. After all, it was her little friend for a while and she is sensitive to those things. So I left him under the stone and said, "Bye-bye bug. Come, come Athena; we go inside now."

A few other words:
She knocks on doors and announces, "poming!" (coming)
She learned from Elmo, "Ta-da!" She stands on the table, hands outstretched. "Ta-da!" We're working on not standing on the table. It was okay for a while, but it really shouldn't be.

She asks me for the fly-swatter and smacks at the house flies, but she hasn't succeeded in getting any yet. It frustrates her. Just wait, she'll get good and then it'll be her job. The way she asks for things is, "peas!" (please)I hear that all day long. :)

Update on Athena

I was IM'ing Brielle and mentioned Athena says this, "yada yada" and Brielle says, "She talks?! Sarah, you need to update your blog!" So here goes and you can thank Brielle.

Athena (20 months old) does talk. She mostly asks, "wha sat?" (what's that) and she likes to label things; "isa momma" "isa daddy" "isa baby" "is elmo"- pointing at all the appropriate people. Elmo is part of the family in that way. She loves Elmo. We were at Best Buy and she was tired and cranky. As we walked in she pointed ecstatically and shouted "Elmo Elmo!" we didn't see Elmo anywhere, but on the way out there was in fact a little stand with Elmo dvds and dolls. So we sat there on the ground and played with them while Conrad finished his shopping.

Her words:
"hat"
"mouse"
"mice"
"bubbo" - bubbles
"moom" - moon
"wums" - worms
"didi" - dirty
"titty" :) - kitty
"ticky" - sticky (hands)
"happy"
"puppy"
"whas at?" or "what is sat?" - what's that
"hi baby" - whenever we see strangers "hi momma"
"is hat is gone" - his hat is gone - her longest sentence ever.
"peas" - please. She uses it a lot to get what she wants
"no! heyyy" - no hey!- it's her assertive 'knock it off' statement.
"no baby" - when I pour water on her head in the bath. She attaches 'baby' to lots of her no's - maybe I do that and she's just copying. (??)
"wow"
"is otay" it's okay
"baw" ball
"shoes"
"juice"
"mess"
"bee"
"seen" - it's an invented word often coupled with "bye seen!"
"beas" - another invented one. coupled with "isa beas!" yesterday she added a t to it and exclaimed to Conrad about the vacuum cleaner, "isa beast!"
there are a few more, but that covers the basics
she loves:
cottage cheese and chips, cucumbers. And she likes the novelty of picking things outside and eating them- like strawberries and tomatoes. Sometimes she'll eat some green bitter tomato bites- weird kid. And ripe ones make her skin around her mouth rash up till we wash the acidic juice off, but she still eats them- again for the novelty; they are not nearly as cool in her highchair. I have to teach her that not every fruit-looking-thing on a plant is edible; like Oregon grape or crabapple at the park.

She chased her friend around the house yesterday saying,"Hey hey hey!" then spanked her little hiney (not hard) and then walked off. I do that to her in my rough house play. It's a game. I never expected to see her do it to another kid! Her friend (19 months) was like, "er okay" and kept playing.

In nursery other kids will cry, and after she gets over her own initial crying she will go around and hug and kiss the children and say, "is otay." We have a book about feelings and it shows a comic strip where a boy drops his ice cream cone and cries with a red face. She bawled with her head on the ground when she saw it. She understands when people are sad, but she doesn't realize yet that she can be the cause of another's sorrow.

The "nursery bully" took her toy and she pushed his chest and said, "no." He cried and stalked off. That's my girl! (flashback: When I was in nursery a red-headed boy took each kid's toy and smacked their heads one by one. I surrendered my toy and scurried under a table thinking- I have no toy, therefore he'll leave me alone. He smacked my head anyway!) So - Good job Athena! You tell em!

She likes other kids. She often chases older kids around. "hi babies!" She shouts. She doesn't know 'kid, boy or girl' yet. There's more, but she won't let me be on here long.

I'm Hades after all; Whaddya' know...

I don't often take facebook quizzes, but sometimes I do and the last one was, "Which Greek god/goddess are you?" Would you believe I'm Hades?

Right. I'm Hades. And The Rock is My Little Pony. My personality quiz then dubbed my personality, "The Nurturer" which I can vouch for. But Hades?!

These results came in after having told Conrad all about a news article I read where children in Haiti were being hurt in unspeakable ways.

Up until then I had always, while I was a teenager, wanted to be a guardian angel. That started after I heard the news of a teenage boy who fell to his death from a ride at Astroworld in front of his very own mother. I cried a lot for that mother. And even younger, when I was about 6 and I heard of the old woman who put her sweet poodle "to dry" in the microwave. She thought it was a dryer. My brothers laughed; and who can blame them? But I cried. I have always been this way. And though you never found me crying in church meetings I was quick to tears in someone's misfortune.

Now I'm a mother and my heart is even more vulnerable than ever- motherhood does that to a person- and you see me cry in church all the time. Things mean so much more now, now that I feel so much.

But after reading the Haiti article- children being hurt the way they were- I told Conrad that when I die, I want to be a destroying angel. I told him I want to "go in there and shoot em' up!" To end the tyranny. To comfort the children. To save the innocents!

Hades? Yeah, I guess so! But only for the same reason I am also "The Nurturer."

Goodbye Old Friend

I just shed a tear for a beautiful piece of machinery. When the Geeley scooter we used during college quit working Conrad and Jeff took some tools to it. After a few hours and a now heap of junk later, they decided it would cost more to fix it than it was to buy it to begin with. So we let it sit in the garage in a puddle of oily grease until recently when I decided to clean the garage and get rid of old stuff.

Really I had wanted it to go to a salvage yard. I hate to see all that usefulness go to waste. But in a moment of decisiveness, and wanting to just get it taken care of, and not worry about it any longer, I arranged to have it picked up with the weekly trash.

I almost didn't watch when the trash man came by. But I had to farewell it so I looked out the window as he lifted it and scooted it over the crushing threshold. And tears stung my eyes for the knowledge of lost potential. I watched the compacter crush it and I regretted tossing it. If I could do it again I would have called 'this and that' number and I would have found a better place for it. But as it is, it sits broken and future-less in a field of hopelessly abandoned trash that no one will ever care about or make good use of.

There's no looking back though. I can't live in regret over it. I saved its mini sized license plate. Maybe I'll hang it somewhere in memory of what once was.

What We've Been up to -In Pictures

An Accidental Lunge and Kiss

I woke up and snickered at myself at 2:27 this morning, because I caught myself doing something goofy in my sleep. I dreamed I was laughing and playing with Athena. Conrad rolled over so he was facing me. I opened my eyes, but remained in my dream. I playfully lunged up at his face and kissed his nose with a loud smack. "Mwa!" I exaggerated out loud. I realized only then that it was not Athena, but Conrad and apparently, we were both in mid slumber. Worried I had made him grumpy (I woulda' been) I whispered in earnest, "Oh sorry, I thought you were Athena!" He didn't reply, eyes still closed. I rolled over, checked the clock and laughed to myself before going back to sleep.

I asked him about it in the morning. He has no recollection.

Look what I can do! Just an update.

Let's see, what other updates: She wants to drink from a cup. She wants to feed herself, unless I'm sharing something yummy from whatever I'm eating- then she'll let me feed her. She says, "dada, momma, hi, beby and ba" (for ball) and she's starting to say "poobie."

- Which is a word that we call each other around here. It just came into my head one day and I thought it but didn't say it because it sounded too weird. But it screamed in my head to be said. We started using it when we brought home a little ultrasound picture of Athena. She looked like a chubby little grub. We stuck it to the fridge and dubbed it poobie. And it stuck.

She can climb on chairs, she loves to be outside, but gets annoyed when I work on weed pulling. She loves when dad comes home and throws her around outside, then he tinkers in the garden while she plays with rocks. She swings on the little dog house which bunny never used.

She points at the moon, birds, planes and we chase butterflies.

She likes to look at the washing machine fill up. She goes up and down stairs alone, and throws things down them. She likes to hide behind me and laugh when I finally discover her. She runs away when I say, "lets change your diaper." She does a lot these days. too much to write. We'll have to come visit the farm soon so she can play with her cousins. It's nice having family close.