Friday, March 28, 2008

Life as a Vampire

I find myself wearing long silky black lingerie gloves of all things in the car. When I bought them online, I didn't intend to seduce anyone with them. I just want sun protection while driving. But NOBODY sells anything like what I want.

Sometimes it's hard to find exactly what you're looking for. I come from a family of engineers who research all the possibilities and inner workings of a thing before they consider buying. Most spouses find it annoying, but customer satisfaction is high.

I'm far from an engineer, but I can get pretty specific about how I want some things to work. Take for example my Porphyria; Gardening gloves are easy to come by, but I recently decided this was the summer to get a set of driving gloves - that I can feel comfortable wearing in public as well. Something that doesn't stand out too much while driving either. I sometimes use red mittens. People are always surprised to get flipped off by my red kermit the frog mittens. - That's a joke. I do not flip people off in traffic. But what a way to emphasize your rage than to do it with red mittens, eh?

Anyway so I bought some gloves. My specifications?
1. Tightly woven fabric- limits sun permeation
2. Dark color - light colors bounce the reflection into my face. That burns.
3. Elbow length - protects arms in short sleeves.

I may just take up wearing long gloves and a stylish hat everywhere I go. Wearing jackets all summer long really bites. I get sweaty and stinky. I always have to explain myself a little when I throw on that "summer trench coat" before I step out into the searing heat.

My first summer in Rexburg I was walking down main street looking for a job and a bank. I was dressed in black pants, black hoodie windbreaker and black sunglasses. As sweet and innocent as I am, I scared an old woman. I had smiled at her, but she studied me up and down warily and side stepped away from me as we passed each other. As I kept walking it settled in that I frighten old people. That bothered me.

Now, my brother Adam wears a heavy and hooded black jacket, thick leather black gloves and sunglasses. I told him he could pass for a Sith Lord. He was about to enter a restaurant when a man who was about to enter the same restaurant approached him and asked, no joke, "Are you gonna' rob the place?" Adam answered no, and the man nodded "I just had to know." I think he had his family with him. And Adam wasn't offended. I mean, what are people supposed to think?

Why black? Because light colors reflect the sun in a painful way. But black has always been a haven. Blacktop tar parking lots are wonderful- Those regular cement ones are merciless.

Anyway- The gloves work okay, but I need some rubber grippy nubs on them because I can't even use my thumb to pull out my debit card and stuff like that. Back to the drawing board my engineers.


Casey Redd Kennington said...

Perhaps I can help.

First, the runner's glove. They are always black, lightweight, and designed to wick away sweat. Try asics:

Next, is the runner's long-sleeved shirt.
Light-weight, breathable...I'd wear mine all the time if the smell from running washed out :)
(also try the men's section)

Finally, there's the runner's sleeve. I can't find where to buy them, but check out Ryan Hall after he won the olympic qualifying marathon:

Again, these are Asics. You can check out Amazon for any of this stuff, but athletic stuff like this is designed (engineered!) to keep the athlete warm when necessary, but then cool and wick away sweat when they get too warm. Good luck!

Sarah said...

I'm interested. I'll check it out.