Take a Walk through Sarah's Mind.

Athena's Budding Humor

2011-03-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

I enjoy Athena’s budding humor. She’s only four but her humor is clever. I’ve told her before that I don’t want her leaving messy chap-stick kisses on Anna’s sweet head. I don’t want anything defiling her sweet baby smell. She also knows not to go in Anna’s room while Anna sleeps.

Well I had just rocked Anna to sleep and laid her down for a nap when Athena came downstairs and nonchalantly said, “I went into Anna’s room, and woke her up, and gave her a kiss with my chap-stick.”

I turned around with my angry mom face and said, “You are in trouble!”

“Just kidding mom!” She countered quickly with a smile.

I looked at her and laughed in surprise. Clever girl has picked up on sarcasm! And not the condescending type, but the ironically comical type. I was proud of her! Later she walked into the office as I was on the computer. She was holding her crotch doing the potty dance like she was going to lose it.

“Go potty! Don’t hold it!” I demanded, my eyes big and serious. You know the look- the one moms give when they want to be listened to now.

“Haha! Kidding!” she said triumphantly.
“You bugger!” I said laughing, and I poked her tummy. “I can’t believe you got me!”

As I put her in bed tonight I said, “You were so funny today. You are a joker now.” She laughed and rehearsed all the jokes she had played on me that day. But she added one I didn’t recall. She said, “In the car I told you I ate a tree at the restaurant.” But my mind was driving then so that one slipped by me.

I probably replied something like. “You did? That’s crazy.”

Thinking Back on my Old Job

2010-07-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

Before I was a full-time mom I worked as a receptionist for a local college. And every so often corporate people would come to visit. Depending on what rung of the ladder these corporate people were on, many of my co-workers would throw themselves into a tizzy getting ready for the big arrival: Quick, get your files in order! Dust! Clean the carpets! Prepare everything! Perfection people!! Stand here when they walk in ...it goes on. It was somewhat comparable to the frenzy seen in The Devil wears Prada. I even had a co-worker run out quick and buy some nylons for the corporate visit.

I'd sit at my desk amused. And I wondered if I should care more. I was happy that my role to impress was small. I was just the lowly receptionist- no big job duties there. I'll offer them water. Lets see, can I get that right? Yeah, I can handle that.

You see, I had never witnessed this kind of frenzy over 'important people.' Up until then I had never met anyone worthy of my frenzy. In fact I have a natural tendency to be casual with everyone. And if I think that someone presumes himself to be important, well I smile, and I know different.

I even had some of my 'higher-ups' try to give me a loose script for conversation with the 'big-wigs': "If this topic arises say this, if that topic, say that. Don't say this. Don't say that."

Part of me knew the reason they felt the need to rehearse with me was because I have had a tendency to be candid, honest, and a little naive. I'd nod, and keep some of what they said and toss the rest. After all, I've got to be me. And while I learned a lot about personal improvement, I was always silently at odds with many of the people I worked with.

I liked them, but our goals were so different: They were eagerly chasing a professional career at this place, while I just wanted out! They wanted careers and I wanted a baby! I had only accepted the job because I could find nothing entry-level with an editing or writing twist. So here I was, a receptionist for a school I did not fully believe in. I would never have gone to this school myself. But I was told by my 'higher-ups' that as the receptionist I was the face of "will-remain-nameless" college. I'd give them one of my oh-so-famous 'blank stares of Sarah' because I had no ready reply. I think everyone I worked with knew I had no school spirit. I tried, but it just wasn't important to me.

However, the one thing I liked about my job were the students. I knew each of them by name, first and last. They were my priority. They were human and talkative - not stiff and professional. And they loved me! I worked hard to please them. I aimed to exceed their expectations. They had constant needs and I was there to fill them. I was their receptionist and they were my students. In retrospect, those students taught me what it means to be a friend. I felt loyalty to them.

But big-wigs never motivated me. I don't like pompous people. I don't like the politics of the workplace, the little power-plays, and the lame cat-fights that women-in-the-workplace, particularly, find themselves in. Some of my co-workers liked to think I was their personal assistant. I had one woman call me her 'underling'- she was all sorts of power hungry and very insecure and defensive. It was a real roadblock for us.

One day I want to go back into the workforce to chase a career, and I think often about what I want to be when I 'grow up.' But for now I am a mother and I'm quite opinionated on how my little sweeties are raised. No one can appreciate Carson's baby cheeks the way I can. No one can adore him more than I can. I want to be here to watch him grow before he's too old to cuddle. I want to be here to answer Athena's questions and help her make sense of her world. I like being the one she learns everything from. We build trust this way. These children are the work of my life and I won't have anyone else do it for me so I can impress big-wigs. I can't take full credit for being here though. Conrad makes it all possible.

kid update

2010-07-11T21:29:00.000-07:00

I need to have another blog where I be Sarah and not just 'mommy'. I might just set one up. Maybe later. Maybe.

Well - We're having a little girl in October. At the rate I blog my next post just might be pictures of her! I lent my girl clothes out but I get them back in August and I am so excited to go through them again. I love doing that. Carson is moved in to Athena's room and he still takes his naps no problem. They goof off before falling asleep each night. Athena is so kind to him and they play well together. I love that they have each other.

We call my growing belly "Baby Annie" but we are not sure what we'll name her yet. We do have a list going. Carson is allergic to dairy, eggs, and peanuts still. I think he may becoming more tolerant of dairy though! Which is exciting because that will open a whole new world of foods to him.

Kid moments that made me smile: (I jot them down to write here later)
I was explaining to Athena what it will be like at Conrad's company BBQ - so she knows what's going on.
me: "You'll be one of the smaller kids there."
Athena: "But I'm a little bit of a big kid."

She calls root beer 'Root Bear'
"I need a root bear," she says
I get it for her.
"I need a scoop of ice cream in it."
wish granted.
"and a straw."
I give her a look, but I get the straw.
"And a spoon"
"Are you done?" I ask her
"I need a little umbrella in it!" she replies.
I laugh, "no umbrella honey."

During lunch:
Carson is playing with a hat in his high chair. He's got a plate of watermelon in front of him. He puts his hat in his watermelon.
Athena: "uh- don't put that in your food; that is gonna be gross." - she sounds so mature when she says it.
He puts his hat in his watermelon.
Through clenched teeth- "that is de-sgusting!" - I smile from the other room. I like hearing her have an opinion. And I love that she is having a mature conversation with her little brother.

Sometime during the day: She approaches Carson with a bossy tone: "What did I said?!"

And this one surprised me:
"Ahh, I'm enjoying a cigarette. It's good for your body." She whispers it so quietly.
"Where did you hear that?" I ask quietly.
"From myself," she says.
"We don't say that. Cigarettes are not good for your body," I say.
"but I just pretend to eat one," she says.
"I don't want you to pretend to eat one either," I say decidedly.
"okay," she says sheepishly.
(We checked out a book at the library that discusses smoking. We also have neighbors who smoke. I told her, "When people smoke we still be their friend, but we don't smoke. It hurts your body.")

She's very interested in the difference between the look of a smoker's lung and a healthy lung. She's also interested in the development of a fetus. She loves the pop-up book that shows developmental pictures of a baby in utero. We skip the page with a giant pop-up penis. It's one of those see through views where you can see the tissue and organs and urethra and all that. I don't think she would understand what it was, but I'm not taking any chances. Maybe when she's older. Much... older.

I guess I'll update

2010-05-06T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am learning to relinquish a little control and say "no" less often. I need to let Athena have her way more and give her more wiggle room. She's getting older, and more independent; and lately she doesn't comply with a lot of my requests. Many of you recognize this behavior as childhood!, Or human nature. So I'll relax and let her 'fart around' as I call it.

I'm also taking this approach to scouts. I teach the bear cub scouts and there's a side to my temperament that allows me to be quick-witted with them and take them off guard with my surprising humor. It ropes them in and allows for jovial give-and-take that we both really enjoy. This side of me is laid back, casual, and a bit of a goof-off. The other side of my temperament demands control of the room - I must be listened to now; IsaidNOW! I hate the way I feel when I let this side take over and I know I'm wrong when I do it. Scouts is drudgery when this side prevails. So - now I plan well and then once I get there, care less, and enjoy them for what they are.

I'm still editing, but I think I want to stop for a while and throw my energies into something else; Yard projects sure, but I want to learn how to develop web pages; I want to learn how to make things pretty. I don't know if I have the interest and patience to learn how to write code that makes the website 'do stuff' though. I've dabbled in html and I get the concept. I love tizag.com btw. It's taught me a lot. My web design interest got derailed a while because morning sickness sapped my will for a bit, but I've come out of that. And then editing projects keep coming up that I keep saying yes to -It's habitual for me to always have some editing project I'm working on. They slip into my email and I do them. It's comfortable and comes easy but it's time to challenge myself with something I'm not good at now.

We had the flu last week and I got it the worst. I was in bed all Saturday and only got up to puke and lose other fluids. Conrad was home to take care of the kids. They scrounged on sugary foods and left a mess through out the house that would make rabid monkeys look tame.

Kids are happy and growing. Athena likes to pretend to be the mommy and she puts on my lip gloss many times a day. Yesterday I taught her that she can chew gum and wear lip gloss at the same time! When she pretends to be me I see myself through her eyes. The other day she dutifully scanned the stud finder across the pictures on the wall. Once that chore was done she climbed in my bed upstairs.

She informed me, "I have to take a little rest. If you come in here I'll give you a wittle spankin'"
"Okay" I said, trying not to laugh at the exact words that always come out of my own mouth when I'm trying to take a much needed nap.
She came downstairs ten minutes later.
"What are you going to do now?" I asked her
"I'm going to work on my cup-uter." She said, a serene but decisive look on her face.

Later - "Why did you put Carson in his room?"
"I'm putting Carson in his room because this toy is stupid." - hmm is that how my reasoning comes across to her? Yikes.

During lunch: "Mom! Look I have power!" - she said, her fingers all pointed in my direction.
"What kind of power?"
"Red Power. And Carson has orange power, and Daddy has green power," she said.
"What kind of power do I have?" I asked.
"You don't have power," she replied.
"Athena, what's power?" I asked.
"Power is a drink," she answered.

Later- "Mommy. I'm sorry I puke in your room. It was a lot of puke, and I'm sorry to do that puke... it was yellow." - I checked my room. No puke. Whew!

Carson is very clingy lately. He's got diarrhea and doesn't want to eat much. When he doesn't smell like sneeze he has his usual baby sweetness. I know he is a small toddler, yet I still cradle him like a baby and he loves it. I love to squeeze his little cheeks lightly and just hold them. He is a cuddler! He loves his bink and a soft thick blanket to cuddle with. I like to watch his face change as he watches tv or as he plays. He also likes to chase the vacuum cleaner. He can walk, but he is in no hurry to do it so he crawls for now. Carson is a big boob; he will cry about any owie and he likes to be babied. I like to baby him, but sometimes I say, "you're okay ham-bone." After dinner sometimes he smells like a 'ham-bone' or a 'beef-cake' because he likes to rub whatever he is eating all over his face and head.

We play monster and he runs from me. I muster up my deepest scary voice, "FEEee FIE FOE FUM! Here I come to spank your BUM!" or 'get your tum!' They scream and scatter. The kids love to jump and play on Athena's bed. It's the 'fun place.' Carson and Athena will be roommates in August because new baby will come two months after that. I've already re-arranged her room and Carson's toddler bed will be arriving next week! I'm excited to set it up but I will miss his being in a crib and the control that gives me over his sleeping schedule. This boy could be in a crib for sooo much longer. He is not a limit tester and he would not try to climb out, but new baby gets here Oct 10th. (Due date is 10-10-10) We find out May 14th what we're having! :)

Are these Good?

2009-11-08T14:09:00.000-08:00

I'm not necessarily getting into photography, but I do enjoy taking nature shots like this and I like taking pictures of old things like weathered wood or rusting metal. I like catching the beauty of it. Some things just don't 'catch' in photos. My favorite is the first one with the dying leaves on the ground.

So I have a few shots I've taken and I'm asking the experienced and inexperienced alike to give me your opinions on what you think of these photos. None of them are lightened or altered in photo shop. I can see where the water could be more in focus- but I don't have a high end camera. I can see where the water photos need more of a focal point. And then I can see that the three trunk -the one with the two knots in it- could use some lightening up.

I want to go out and do some more.

Halloween Pics

2009-11-07T23:31:00.001-08:00

Carson was a tiger, Athena was a Lion, Conrad was Indiana Jones, and I was an elf. (Those ears are not real) We did a trunk or treat, then Conrad and Athena went around the neighborhood while I passed out candy at home and put baby boy in bed. I set the candy bowl out for ten minutes while I put baby in bed. I heard three knocks while I was up there putting him down and when I came out the candy bowl was empty. I was angry about it and it stuck with me for a while. But I guess I'll never do that again. The night was just a lot of fun and I was in a trusting mood. I fantasized that the kid who took ALLL my Halloween candy had a reoccurring nightmare for a month that he was inhaling my enormous bowl of Halloween candy. Tsk tsk tsk. So vindictive. :) Bwahaha!!

Men Means... Lot's of Mans.

2009-11-07T22:51:00.000-08:00

I was sitting/hunching over my computer- soggy posture when Athena walked and and noted my stomach. I watched her face change to one of sudden curiosity as she did a double take. She then asked, "Do you have a baby in your tummy? ...You can’t have a baby in your tummy right now. Carson is not in. He’s sleeping in his bed. You can make a baby another time."

Later she was playing with some sticky paper. She was talking to it and I caught, "And I say, 'get off my hand! Get off my hand! You stupid-naughty-paper!'"

I like hearing her thoughts stream from one idea to the next. Yesterday while we ate lunch she said, "You love me mom. I’m a baby to you. I’m not a cream cheese, or a bubble head, or uh eyeball. I love eyeballs and I can choke on them. (She’s talking about Halloween eyeball gum. And we were eating cream cheese. Not sure where the bubble-head came from though.)

Athena knows that Conrad is a man but she wasn’t familiar with the plural form ‘men’ when I used ‘men’ in a sentence.
She asked, “What’s ‘men’ mean?”
“Oh... man?” I asked her my eyes level with hers.
“No men!” She corrected.
“Men means… lots of mans.” I said simply.
She understood perfectly. “Ohhh,” she said with a smile.

It’s easy to tell when Athena is plotting general naughtiness; Just now she closed the office door so I wouldn't see her getting into things she shouldn't. Sometimes I let her believe for a while that I don’t know what she's up to- mostly I only do that when I'm too tired to stop her.

Sometimes she will say, “Mommy, go away. I want to be awone,” (so she can be naughty.)
"Do you want me to go away so you can push the bar-stool over to the pantry to get gum?"
"Yes" she says honestly. I love the sweet honesty for now. That'll change but I enjoy it for now.

A few days before Halloween she was in the office, pooping behind the door. That's where she poops- behind that door as she wears a pull up. She won't use the potty for that yet, so I let her use a pull up for now. Anyway it must have been roughly 7 minutes she was there as I busied myself in the kitchen. I realized it was too quiet and that she must be up to something. Sure enough, she had relocated to the office closet where the Halloween candy was stashed, and she had inhaled eleven or twelve peanut butter cups in that short space of time.

Just now she closed the office door while I typed in here. Then she pushed a bar stool across the kitchen floor. (I know from all the way upstairs when she is being naughty because I can hear the bar-stool scraping across the floor.) This time she climbed up to get a sucker off the counter. When she opened the office door again with a big fat sucker in her mouth I gave her a look that caused her to pause and wonder about her status. Was she in trouble? Was I okay with her sneakiness? She squirmed under my all-searching eye. You could see it in her sweet little face. She whispered humbly, “It’s okay. It’s own-ee a little bit naughty…. You’re own-ee a little bit mad.” I was enjoying the moment. I stared at her with a blank expression and she tried to convince harder, “Mommyyyy!! Your own-ee a little bit mad!” She was hoping to persuade me to be fine with it. I broke a smile and laughed. She got away with the sucker. Well, I can’t get after her for every little thing!

Snip Snip, Snip Snip

2009-11-07T22:39:00.000-08:00

I’ve been cutting Conrad’s hair for six years now; and I really think it’s time I learn how to cut hair. While we were dating I half-watched his mom cut his hair: I made a mental note- Pull it up there, snip it off there. Got it. But there is obviously more to it. Every time I cut his hair I think, “oh crap - oh crap - oh crap.” Of course I never tell him this, and in the end it usually works out. Either way, he wears a hat everywhere he goes and he’s not picky about his hair. Tonight as I hacked away at the long top growth, he was anxious to get back to what he was doing. He kept asking me if I was done yet, like an antsy kid. But I was no where near hacking through that jungle.

It’s a well-known fact that Conrad’s hair is its own stand up comedian. His family always makes fun of it. When he wakes up you know he’s been switching sides all night long because his hair is standing up five inches. Straight up in one cohesive chunk. Like a stegosaurus. Every time I cut his hair I leave the top alone because I don’t really know how to cut it. This means the top gets longer every day until it takes on a life of its own and I have to shave it down for my lack of skill to know how to do anything else. So I shaved it down to an inch and a half. Ta-daa. He hasn’t showered yet because he’s playing WOW with his Bro-mance, Glenn.

Now we just need to shave the neck part.

kiddo update

2009-09-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

Wow- it's been two months since I've updated. We visited Jeff and Brielle and it was really fun! Carson was an angel the whole time! He only fussed during the ear-popping parts of the plane ride. Brielle let him use Austin's crib which is the same exact set up he has at home- (just diff bedding fabric) so he was as good as sleeping at home. That made our trip great! Thanks Brielle; it was nice of Austin to share. We visited Purdue and some different little shops around West Lafayette; the locals pronounce it LAH-fee-eht. That's 'Sarah phonetics,' so I hope that made sense.

Athena's newest thing is playing with her tea set she got from Grandma Patty. She sits at the barstool and has me pour juice in those itty-bitty cups. I love having that sweet girl. She likes to dance in the living room. I'll have to get some video of that for you. She also directs music with her sweet little girl arms.

In her earlier potty training Athena was trying hard to make it to the toilet but had missed it and dirtied the floor instead. She would be so frustrated with herself and cry a lot. I knew she was trying and I wanted her to know that she didn't have to be perfect right away, but I didn't want to excuse the behavior entirely so pointing at the mess on the floor in front of the potty I said, "It's okay Athena. You tried. It is a little bit naughty, but you can try harder next time." Fast forward to a few days ago- I was toasting a bagel and before it popped up she sneaked some cream cheese out of the container, (which is not really a big deal.) I looked at her and from her perch on the barstool, her head tilted, a content smile crossed her face and her big blue eyes were half shut when she said, "It's okay. It's ownee a yiddle bit naughty." (only a little bit naughty) And I had to laugh.

I think it's so funny - she doesn't know about deception yet. Lately she wants gum and will climb up the pantry shelf to get some. After I stopped her from this she said, "Mommy, I want to be awone. (alone) You and Carson doe away and I tan be awone."
To which I replied. "Do you want to be alone so you can climb up the shelf and get some gum?"
"Yes." she said matter-of-factly.
I had to humor her and smile at her honesty. (Conrad and I both want to be careful not to punish her too much when she tells the truth or she will not want to tell us the truth later.)

Her potty training is going wonderfully, though today she had many accidents which she got in trouble for. 'Trouble' means mom is disappointed with her -which she hates- and then she has to sit in the laundry room- which is just a boring hallway to the garage. If it was a very naughty thing she did then she gets a 'knuckle' (a knock on her little noggin) and sometimes a little whop on her bum before she goes in for the time-out in the laundry room. There's a child lock on the door knob in there so she can't get out; same with her bedroom. She will be outraged that she is in 'trouble' status and she will scream and throw things at or hit the door. But as soon as she calms down I open the door and tell her what she did wrong and then she can apologize. We hug and then she's not in trouble anymore.

If I get short with her over trivial things because my patience is thin that day then she will be difficult to live with; bothering/bossing/controlling Carson or general irritating pesty-ness toward me. She acts this way when I have been unnecessarily grumpy or demanding -which I should not do, but I do it from time to time. To avoid this behavior I have to sincerely say, "I'm sorry. I was grumpy. I'm not mad at you and you're not in trouble. I'll be nice now." Then she feels understood and cared about. She is a sweet angel again after that.

She often says, "I want to have uh easter hunking egg" (I want to go on an easter egg hunt). We do little easter egg hunts every now and then. 3 to 6 eggs, with whatever sweet thing I have around the house. She's excited for Halloween and talks about trick-or-treating every day! She decided herself that she will be a scary blue monster.

We haven't spent much time outside lately. The hotter weather had kept me indoors, but the cooler weather is bringing us back out so we typically swing after dinner before coming in to jammie up in front of the tv before bed.

Carson can sit! He can eat finger foods too. He won't take a sip-pie or bottle though and this is bad because he needs more liquids in his diet than he's getting from me (nursing). He's got hard rabbit pellet turds; hey, this post wouldn't be complete if we didn't mention poop at least once! Anyway I'm having to give him liquids via medicine dropper. I guess I don't mind as long as he's getting more liquids; I love looking at his adorable little face. I love to kiss his baby mouth and squish his little cheeks. I love kissing his little neck and sniffing up his naked little tummy.

I give the kids baths together and it's even more fun now that Carson can sit up. They play well together. Athena has recently begun to roll him around the floor over and over. He likes her and he smiles about it good-natured-ly. He bobs his head to music. Yesterday Athena sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Carson bobbed his head to it with an easy-going smile. He is genuinely a happy and easy baby. He will sit happily eating cheerios and raisins in his highchair for about an hour sometimes. Like all babies he has his tough days where he is more clingy, but those just end up being cuddle days which are sweet! For me, the hardest part about kids is losing sleep though. I develop some stressful anxiety if I know the kids are going to wake me up all night.

Let's see; I recently bought kid clothes at Kid to Kid. I do all my kid's shopping at Kid to Kid or Other Mothers. I love getting cute clothes for great deals. I also played soccer with Conrad's work team for the first time ever in life. The opposing team was very nice and they weren't super skilled so it was a good practice game. I loved it! But I really bunged my knee up good just from jumping around so I'll be more careful on it next week. It's mildly swollen.

I still love going to the gym but as far as weight loss goes, a person can lose weight on controlling food intake more than they can via exercise. But sometimes it's harder to say no to a bowl of ice cream than it is to just do a half hour of spinning to make up for said ice cream. For me junk food and exercise cancel each other out and I neither gain nor lose. But if I never eat junk to begin with then I can really lose something. I aim for 130 pounds by December 5th. And I'm at a rough 136 right now so that's totally do-able. I might shoot for 125 after that, but we'll see how I feel.

Lately I'm carrying around the motto's, "Leave it better than you found it," and "do it faster" (because I operate slower than your average Jane and I want to change that.) by "operate" I mean to say everything I do; showering, flossing, yawning. :) I take my sweet time, but this is a hindrance at times. The "leaving it better" motto applies to my house. If I leave each room better than I found it then I'm constantly cleaning up after myself/and kids bit by bit and not making a mess. It makes my life a little easier and less stressful. I hate when the whole place is a dump, I can't find my such-and-such, and I'm trying to hurry out the door.

Family Update

2009-07-26T22:53:00.000-07:00

My latest thing to listen to in my minivan is Shania Twain. I love my minivan (2005 Toyota Sienna XLE Limted AWD). I switched up my workout routine from straight boot camp to a mix of spinning, core strengthening, and boot camp. Straight boot camp is too much on my knees and I'm taking Glucosamine to add cushion to my knees.

I love to sniff Carson's sweet baby neck. I sniff him a lot and he likes me cuddling on him. He eats solids like a pro, but we mostly just nurse still. I love to nurse him. He is so good-natured and happy. Athena likes to hold his hand when we're in the car and he usually lets her. I love to watch how he is growing up with her. He has never known life without his big sister. I can tell that he loves her, and Athena loves him back.

Athena is very independent lately. When she gets hurt I would typically hold her, kiss it better, rub her owie gently, but now she is often annoyed by a soft touch and she yanks herself away and says, "No! Don't touch me!" because she's frustrated with herself. And sometimes I miss my cuddle-bug, but it's really fun to watch her grow into a kid. She's one tough chick. She is a tom-boy for sure. She is mostly very obedient. She can get pretty whiny though. She plays well with others, but when she's at home she often whines, yells, and gets overprotective about her toys. She plays very well with children she perceives as older than her. Some kids her same age she perceives as 'younger' and she will boss them around. But she will allow other kids who have higher confidence levels to rule the roost. It's interesting to watch how she acts and reacts differently based on her moods. I think she's moody, like her mother :) She's definitely still evolving. Who knows what she will be like next month.

She likes to hold a lot of small toys lately, and she will ask for help going up and down the stairs because her hands are so full. She gets frustrated when she can't do it by herself. She is usually holding some small toy in the car on the way to anywhere. She also holds toys on the potty. She engages in imaginative play. She'll take two toys who typically have eyes at least, and she'll have them talk to each other. It often goes something like this:
"Oh hi, I'm Athena."
"Oh hi, I'm mommy."
"You don't det yost, you be safe okay?" (you don't get lost...)
"You doe to sweep in your yiddow bed."
...
"mommy, mommy help!! I'm scared!"
"Don't be scared. You hode me." (hold me)
It goes on and she'll say various things, but that's the typical flavor of it.

We have very tall corn in our backyard and very chubby earwigs inside the house, which creeps me out. I will definitely put some bug poison around the perimeter of the house soon. I did it last year and no problems, but I didn't do it this year, and I keep finding those creepy earwigs in the house. Ihh! I just get the shivers thinking about 'em!

I still do a lot of editing and I really enjoy it. I have worked with six authors so far and I plan to put each one of their books on my bookshelf. I don't plan to stop editing any time soon. I just really enjoy it. I think I may take up web design though in addition. Perhaps in the winter when I have no more yard work I'll get into web design; I don't have any time for it as of now. I'd also like to learn Spanish, but that dream is a little further away. Every few months I come up with a new thing I want to be when I "grow up." Right now I'm thinking about practicing some facet of law, but I am likely to change my mind again. I would like to go back to school someday to develop a lucrative trade, but as of now I can't see myself stopping at two babies. I don't know how many kids I'll have, but I do know that I never want to live without a sweet baby to squeeze, sniff up, and hug. I just really love having a baby in the house. I just love sniffing up that Carson-babe. If you could sell happiness in a bottle it would be his scent.

Conrad plays soccer, and plays with us in the backyard and garden. He mostly spends his time working though, bringing home the money, making it all possible. I told him tonight, "Conrad I love you. You're the perfect husband; you're hot, you make me laugh, you are a great daddy, and you make good money. Thanks for being awesome."

Potty Training Woes

2009-07-26T21:49:00.001-07:00

Tonight I watched three kids, in edition to my own two, pictured there on the left. Ages 7 months, 2 years, 2 years, 5 years, and 7 years. 2,2, and 5 are all potty training. 7 should be fully trained but she still misses the boat half the time. She did do well at my house today though, and she was extremely helpful with the little children. Most of the evening was an effort to stay ahead of everyone's bowel movements. I put them each on the toilet every hour on the hour; seems like I'd have my bases covered, but it was a losing battle. We had three defecations and four urinations all out-of-potty. As the sole cleaner-upper my hands smell like poop; which is, great. While I had one kid on the potty, the 5-year old, who knows better, was hiding behind the corn in the backyard, pooping. When I came downstairs from helping one clean up poop another one was standing at the foot of the stairs with her underwear around her ankles, soaked. All of these children were set on the potty 15 minutes prior to their voiding in various parts of my backyard and house. My own 2-year old has been good at getting right on the toilet, but with all her peers pooping and peeing on themselves today she just let herself go. And, I can't control everyone's bowels. In my frustration I had an imaginary conversation with myself, "the next person to poop on herself will have to sit at the table, and stare at her poop, on a plate, two inches from her nose. And there she will stay for three minutes, because two is not enough; and I hope you cry about it. Because then maybe you will begin to realize that poop is gross to handle, and that maybe I don't want to handle your poop."

As I watch these children, my own 2-year old included, there seems to be a sighting-to-existence ratio in effect. The more the poop is visibly acknowledged, the more it very much exists, in all it's disgusting glory. The 5-year old seems to believe that if the poop remains a hidden bulge in her underpants, where she can not see it, that it does not exist. Well, I'm not giving my 2-year old the chance to grow into that false belief. I will give her an appropriate amount of time to figure out her bowel control, but once she's capable of controlling her bowels there is no way that pooping in her pants will ever be acceptable. I will come up with creative punishments if I have to.

Aside from handling everyone's waste tonight it has actually been quite fun. We played with toys inside, played on swings outside, had a kid-friendly dinner- I was a short order cook tonight- and we made chocolate chip cookies. Then we jammied-up and brushed-up and settled down for a movie. After a while I put my own kids in bed and here I am, blogging about my day.

So, poop- it's exciting.

Athena talk

2009-06-01T22:01:00.001-07:00

I say, “you can’t throw hard things, only soft things.”
She says, “Don’t fwo afina, cause I’m not a bah; I’m hard.” (bah=ball)

While outside in the garden; “don’t water me!”

Did you push buttons in the elevator?
“No! dats vay vay bad.” Vay = very

Fire has been more of a serious discussion as we talk about smoke detectors and firemen and loud siren trucks. She’s been somber about fire. Well, against my better judgment Conrad showed Athena a lighter. Wide eyed and serious she said, “fire… is fun!”

“No Daddy I don’t pay dubba-dubba-doo.” –playing dubba dubba doo: she invented the phrase and she says it in a sing song voice.

"stuff” –her word of the week

While playing blocks with Athena: She dropped a toy salt-shaker on the house I was building. It did little to no damage to the block house I was building, but she picked him up and said, “Oh no! You byate mommy’s house. You are nawdee. You hafa go to your woom. You hafa go to sweep.” She ran down the hall and set him in her bed. When she came back I said, “Is he sad?”

“Yes, he’s sad.” She held up a single pink block. “He needa yite.” (he needs a light.) She ran down the hall with a single block to give him as a night light.

“Does he need some chocolate milk when he sleeps?” I asked her.
“Oh, yes.” She ran down the hall again.

Sunday afternoon; “No daddy. You don’t sweep!” Then she sits on his head.
Deeper into his nap she says, “I spate daddy’s bobbin”- She ran over there, and spanked his bum.

Sitting on the swings looking at the sky- random disconnected talk:
Me: “Birds don’t have babies in their tummies. Birds have eggs, and the babies come out of the eggs.”
“Mommies have babies in their tummies. Birds have babies in their eggs.”
She thinks a while….
“You hava bird in your tummy,” She concludes.

In the highchair over lunch she recalls an occurrence from a few weeks ago:
“I pook at uh store.”
“Yeah, you threw up at the store huh?”
“Yeah. And, a daddy keen it up.”
“That was not a daddy. That was an employee. When you go to work you are an employee. Leah works at the store so she is an employee. Is mommy an employee?”
“No.”
“No, mommy doesn’t go to work like daddy. Is daddy an employee?”
“No!”
“Yes, daddy is an employee, because he goes bye-bye to work every day.”
“No! Daddy’s not uh… poy-ee.”
“Want to call him and ask?”
“Noo! Daddy’s not uh …poy-eee!”
We didn’t call because Carson was fussing and daddy was on a plane anyway.

“Deh smote attetter, keep me safe.” – The smoke detector keeps me safe
“Oh no! My tatters!” -my crackers!

More pictures- making up for lost time

2009-05-30T22:45:00.000-07:00

I'm a feast or famine blogger so here ya go. More pics; pictures seem to be what people like best.

Misunderstood- odd moments

2009-05-29T14:40:00.001-07:00

I am one of the most trustworthy people you will ever meet. Not always the most dependably punctual; but sincere, genuine, and honest -yes. My mom always knew what was going on in my life because I had to talk about it to feel even, accounted for, and set aright. I don't flatter people, and I won't tell you I like your haircut if I don't. -When I give a compliment it's genuine. I think most people see this in me and find me to be a harmless, guile-less person. But today I recall odd moments of being mistaken for a mugger, a robber, and a wierdo/social misfit.

As a newly wed in school I needed to trade in my ten dollars for quarters so I could do my laundry. My complex didn't have one of those 'trade-ya' machines so I went to the neighboring complex. Their laundry room was also unequipped so I set out to ask the manager if she might trade me. I had really let my laundry pile up and I needed underwear! So, I was not giving up on this. The manager was just leaving but I ran up to her car to ask her anyway. She didn't see me and she backed out. I waved her down five feet from her car window. She turned her head and suddenly I was there, holding my long black wallet. She may have thought my wallet was a gun because she looked scared and locked her door. I instantly felt like a mugger. I gave her my most innocent look; hands up, shrug- apologetic face. She rolled her window down just enough to exchange words. I told her I was hoping to trade her quarters. I felt stupid for interrupting her on her way out. She gave some excuse as to why she didn't have quarters and I didn't bother her more. Lame and defeated I walked home thinking, for the love of clean underwear, somebody gimme some quarters!

Long story short, as a teenager I got left behind while wrapping a house- that's tp'ing a house to those who don't know 'wrapped.' Everybody piled into two cars and left; each car thought the other car had me. ---skipping the long middle of the story and now arriving at the end --- After a few hours sitting in the front of the subdivision off a four lane main road I decided to see if I could find an open business so I could get a phone. I found a craft store who left their doors unlocked at all times, but monitored the store by surveillance. (Why would you do that?) Anyway I was caught on surveillance wandering through the store at 5am ish looking for a phone. A woman in a truck drove into the parking lot within minutes of my having been there, and of course, I walked out to meet her. I told her my sob story and she was very uncaring and disbelieving. She didn't let me see her face through the truck. Her voice was raspy like an experienced smoker's voice often is and she kept asking why I was in her store. I felt like a criminal, when, in truth, I was more the victim. I was able to make a phone call however, and I got out of that mess.

I had an experience being the weirdo/social misfit, but now it escapes me because my kids are interrupting me. I'll come back and write it if I remember it. Anyway, hope I'm not the only one who has been considered a criminal and mistaken for a mugger. :)

Update on kids

2009-05-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

Athena’s words:
“Teenta teena yitta staR how I wonder wha-shoo are
...
Yite a di-mun in de sty”

Birds are chirping outside the open window and she says, “No birds, Noooo!”
They don’t listen.
“NO BIRDS!”
How dare they don’t listen!
“NOOOO BIRRRDS!”
They fly off in the distance.

The neighbor’s dog barks; “Be tiet dod!” (be quiet dog) She yells that a few times and it’s what I’d like to say so I don’t silence her. She can get away with it, after all.

We hear her friend crying over the fence: “be tiet ayayna!” (that’s alaina)

All done in her highchair and she yells out, “mommy I wanta hava spider.”

Singing leisurely in her high chair, “Ev EE budDY tan do ….. steuf.” (everybody can do stuff.) Don't ask me, I'm just the observer.

Playing outside with daddy; she wanted him to hurry up so she said, “No daddy! No time!!” (Yes, that had to have come from me.)

Athena’s typical day:
Wake at 8:00; eat, dress
Play for an hour at the kids cove at the gym.
At home, play with toys, interact with Carson, watch tv with snacks to relax, sometimes play outside while mom does yard work.
Lunch at 12 ish
A two hour nap somewhere between one and three o’clock; or if she’s not tired, play in her room for an hour or two while mommy edits. She gets some good imaginative play in her room and she enjoys it.
Dinner at 6:30 ish when daddy gets home
Dance with daddy to music.
Play outside with daddy and mommy. Mom and dad like to garden and mow, and weed and water. We also play on the swings, or play soccer.
Bath, if she needs it, then sit in front of one of her favorite shows while I jammie her up, brush teeth and hair.
9:00 ish Now in her bed, relate what she did that day, sing songs, say a prayer, tuck her in, sing more songs, tuck her in again; she tries a myriad of things to prolong the inevitable, but finally she whispers gently, “doodnight, I wuv you, bye.”

Carson’s day is the same only he takes three naps. I love to sniff his sweet little neck and bury my nose into his tummy. He's so squishy and smiley and chubby legged.

Family Update

2009-04-24T10:56:00.000-07:00

Athena likes to hunt for candy eggs. Every day I put a few jelly beans in five or six eggs and she hunts for them in the living room or backyard. She asked me for "pot and tandy" yesterday. She meant cotton candy. She stuck a small black bean up her nose a few days ago. She alerted me and I looked up her nostril. Sure enough there was a black bean. I told her to blow. She sniffed. I said, "No, blow like this." She sniffed. So the bean disappeared up her nose and was never seen again.

Athena is learning that people have different preferences: She had her first sweet cantaloupe and she liked it. I asked her, "Does Mommy like cantaloupe?"
"Yes!"
"Does Daddy like cantaloupe?"
"Yes!"
I smiled. "Nope, Daddy does not like cantaloupe. He thinks it's yucky."
She thought for a second. "No! Daddy likes cantaloupe!"
I smiled. "You want to call him and find out?"
So we called him on the phone and he told her he did not like cantaloupe.
"Does Daddy like cantaloupe?"
She smiled. "No."

Carson uses his neck and stomach muscles to crunch up like he wants to sit. It will be a while, but he's showing interest. He's got the baby bald spot on the back of his head. He has a bit of eczema on his face- my genes at work there. But he doesn't complain about it. We use Eucerine. He's coming outside with us in the evenings now for as long as he will allow it, now that it's warmer. He loves when Athena talks to him. He just lights up. She talks to him like I do; It's so funny to hear her call him, "yidda man," or "yidda boy." Or "is otay, tarson; don't fuss." "Be happy!" she says energetically. And it works for a little while. She puts his bink in his mouth. Funny how I go to talk about Carson and say more about Athena, but they are a package deal I guess. He is a well-adjusted, solid, and happy kid.

Everything is blooming and leafing out in the backyard!! I am having so much fun watching it all grow. I know all my little trees will grow another one to three feet taller this year. Every evening we go outside and play in dirt, rocks, water, and weeds.

Conrad put a play set together and got very sunburned doing it. (I had asked him if he wanted sunscreen. He said, "no, the first sunburn of the year is the rite of passage into summer.")
"Look at the park Daddy built for you!" I told Athena.
She replied, "No, unca Dan buiwd my part."
(Athena was inside during the sunniest part of the day and hadn't seen Conrad out there all Saturday. She did however come out in the evening with me and saw uncle Dan helping with the swing set a little.)

Kiddo Update

2009-03-06T13:07:00.000-08:00

Carson is three months old. He sleeps and eats great. His 'teeth' are beginning to move under his gums and bother him. He is happy boy though. He doesn't really complain much. He fusses when he's about to fall asleep and that's about it. pretty chill. It's so different having a boy- he is one solid kid. kind of tall I think. Chubbier than Athena was- she never had any chub. He likes to be sung to - fun songs like "Jesus wants me for a suuun BEAN!" and I make up rhymes on the spot. Some days I'm good at it, but other days, I'm not.

When we're driving in the car and he gets cranky I sing the "sun beam song" it makes him coo and smile, but Athena has appointed herself the singing police and she tries to silence me, so it's either he cries and she's quiet, or he's cooing and she complains that I'm singing.

She has begun to throw temper tantrums as of a week ago. She averages about 5 a day. I put her in her room and when she's done raging she can come out. "I happy now." she says with a tear streaked face. It's wearing to be around this raw emotion all day. It makes me want to throw my own adult form of a temper tantrum, and I have, but I never feel good after, so I have to be careful not to let her emotions rule mine.

I think she shocked herself yesterday but I'm not certain. She plays with her night light; turns it off and on, unscrews the bulb from the socket- yeah a bit scary. BUT yesterday I noticed she pulled the glass bulb out of the metal encasing when she was playing in her room before her nap. The encasing stayed inside the night light socket and the bulb hung from the encasing by a metal thread. It looked really dangerous so I took the night light away and later when I talked to her about how she won't have a light tonight, because it's broken, she said, "yeah, an i hurt my theener." (finger) We talked about it for a while and it seemed like she might have shocked herself. It would have happened while I was in the shower for fifteen minutes. But she's happy and there's no blood. So.. I guess we're good.

I still edit and really like it. I go to a gym I just joined and really like it. Athena says, "I wanna goda-a bym" (go to the gym). They go to the kid's cove while I work out. (Freedom Fitness in Kuna)
Conrad dutifully plays World of Warcraft with Vanessa (his sister). Funny thing; he woke up yesterday from a couch nap and spoke kind of rushed, "Vanessa.... get that..." something something something. I thought he was calling me Vanessa, and he thought he was playing World of Warcraft. Here is a picture of Athena and her friend taking a wheel barrow ride.

Athena has a Monster

2008-12-17T22:11:00.001-08:00

I don't need a lot of help spooking myself; I have an active imagination and I could write some pretty gruesome tales. I don't watch anything scary. If it has an ounce of scary I won't watch it, read it, or listen to it. It will bother me for too long and disturb my peace too much. Likewise, I keep Athena from anything scary. I don't want her seeing violence, or anything like that. No spooky eerie music, nothing that is intended to spook. At all. I take my peace very seriously and I protect hers. There is a solid strength in a person's peace and it's not something I want to undermine.

Well, she's going through a phase where she won't let us leave her room after we put her in bed for the night. She is afraid. And she's also been waking up at night crying, and I think she's got some fears. She'll look at the top of her dresser like she's afraid of it. She did this a couple months ago then forgot about it, and now she's picking it back up again.

Tonight she pointed at her door and said in a worried tone, "blue eyes, white teeth." My daughter has a monster in her room... :( I asked if he was her friend and she said yes, but that's just because she's agreeable and doesn't know how to verbalize any other answer. So then I gave her some extra toys and books in her bed; I told her to read a book to her babies and I put some kid lullaby music on. Maybe I'll have to put something up on the wall in her room. Like a wow wow wubbzy decal, or princess decal- something that will be sure to chase any monsters away... Some princesses though, -if you stare at them in the dark long enough, start to wiggle their eyebrows and scowl at you. You see what I deal with? There goes my active imagination again. :)

Mundane Observation

2008-12-12T13:17:00.000-08:00

I pulled my broom out and started sweeping with it and when my mom saw it she burst into laughter. "What, is so funny?" I asked, amused at her amusement. She pointed, "You call that a broom?" Apparently I've been sweeping with a reject for years and didn't really know it was a problem. She bought me a new one. And. Ohhh. - yes a bit of sarcasm there, but truly; it is an awesome broom. It moves smooth like a plump wet paintbrush. It makes the other one feel like a tree branch scraping in the dirt. I think my floor almost seems happy to be caressed by it.

I have an idea how my former broom got that way; I did have a rabbit who liked to chew on it when I'd sweep. He thought it was an aggressive game the way some dogs chase mowers or water hoses.

And I realize, it's just like me to use something and never realize it could be so much better. It was like that when Conrad suggested I get glasses. I didn't know I had a problem seeing till I almost went off the road in the night. After getting glasses/contacts my world is sooo much better!

Now we are car shopping and I think, "this car still runs, maybe we don't need a new one." But after test driving a few cars we pile into our own college car that we now fit two kids and their chunky car seats into. My knees suddenly feel like they're in my face and the dashboard is dangerously close. We almost gave that car away when it quit starting one day and nobody could fix it. It suddenly came back to life and I've been using it every day for three years since then. It has quirks - sometimes I have to tug on the starter belt to get it to start- that's because it has a flat spot in the ... something. -starter belt.

Anyway- if we find our car we'll sell the college one to my little brother, Mike, for a whopping 100 bucks. And, I can learn to love new stuff.

Birth Story- It's not gross

2008-12-12T12:31:00.000-08:00

I always left the room when moms would swap birth stories since the time I was a kid- so I'll try to keep it ungross okay? You're welcome. :)

I was having contractions Saturday night which felt like Braxton’s and then light twinges of cramping in my back.

"Conrad, if this keeps up I think we'll have a baby tonight or tomorrow sometime." I said. We went to bed at about 12 am and I woke at 5:45 am with a start.
"Oh!"
"Are you okay?!"
"Yeah I think it's a braxton squeezing a gas bubble." I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I lumbered over to the bathroom. I hung out in there for a while and the 'gas cramps' occurred every three minutes. I knew I was in labor.

"Conrad we're having a baby! Call my mom to come stay with Athena and lets get to the hospital now." Quick rinse in the shower; because if you know my family you know that we don’t know how to leave the house without showering. Half an hour later and we were off. I sat in the back seat behind Conrad. Every minute apart, RIGHT ON the minute I had a contraction that hurt like the dickens. Once at the hospital we parked and every six feet I stopped and crouched on my knees breathing/focusing.

A few people in the parking lot stared. Nurses who were filing into work approached us. They asked if I was okay and when I couldn’t answer Conrad said, “She’s fine.” -He didn’t know what to do. :) I looked up during an off time, smiled sheepishly and said, "Hi, I'm having a baby. Maybe I’ll see you in there." I suggested a wheel chair. One ran to get one and another stayed with me.

When a contraction would end I'd scoot it- like a quick run toward the double doors: "hold on. okay lets go. wait (crouch). okay go (light jog)."- kinda thing.

In the hospital they checked and I was an 8.5 - 9. Holy crap!!! I had wanted an epidural. I NEVER planned to go natural. I was mortified when the doctor said very calmly “it's too late for an epidural, but we can send for a spinal block and hope it kicks in in time.” I got the block and it set in right away. ahhh - like a warm bath. I settled down and enjoyed the warmth. The anesthesiologist said it may wear off in one and a half to three hours- it differs for everyone. So, I told the anesthesiologist not to go far and the nurses laughed about that. “No really- don’t go far” I repeated with a smile.

But... half an hour later each contraction got stronger. It was wearing off minute by minute. It was all happening so fast. I think it was mostly worn off by the time I pushed. It was... wow- hot burn! Really tight. But I loved that I could relax in between pushes. At one point there was a lull as we all waited for the next contraction. I said, "So, does anyone know any good jokes?" We laughed and a couple seconds later I was screaming again. Those last couple pushes I cried in defeat, then he came at exactly nine o’clock. His shoulder got a little stuck. They called that shoulder distosia. He was 9' 12. They put him on me right away and I held his tiny body. He was so pretty! and soft and slimy :) I couldn't hold him long, I was so exhausted. They cleaned him up. The whole time the doc stitched me up (yes numbed)I'd wince then laugh, then wince and laugh; the whole area was tender, yet ticklish. The nurses said that it was a typical reaction.

So, physically I'm recovering really well. Emotionally I’ve recovered a lot too. He's eating well, He mostly sleeps. Day five and he's getting his days and nights sorted out. It was wonderful having Conrad’s mom up to watch him for a night so we could sleep. We really needed that. I'm coming off being very emotional- sad and then really happy. I'm looking forward to spending quality time with both my sweet kids and getting us all on a firm schedule. And getting to know each other again! I miss Athena. She has changed so much and I just want to love every bit of this new her before she's gone again. I had expected to teach her that she wasn’t being replaced, but I hadn’t expected myself to feel like she had been replaced.

He's so tiny and she's so -- enormous! I thought she was little before, but she's a kid now. :)

pictures now, story later

2008-12-11T21:51:00.000-08:00

2008-12-11T21:30:00.000-08:00

Here are some pictures of Athena's budding personality. The last one where she is looking up at me makes me want to turn around and make sure she feels like the most important person in the universe, despite her tiny size there.

Athena is Changing

2008-12-06T21:12:00.000-08:00

These last few days she has;

Learned to climb up the bar stool onto the counter. She grabbed the biggest knife we own and put it in one of many glass mason jars that were up there with her at the time.

She climbs up on the piano and grabs at the Christmas decorations. She slipped off the piano bench and almost took the decorations with her.

She got her whole body stuck in the six-inch space under her bed. When I ran upstairs to respond to her muffled cries for help I didn't see her anywhere, but once I lifted the dust ruffle I found her laying there, her head wedged between the bed frame's wheel and the headboard.

She bit into one of my prenatal pills but brought it to me, spit out in her hand because it was, "yucky."

She reached into her diaper during nap time and pulled out some poop and painted the carpet with it.

The first thing she did when I showed her her new toy shelving was to climb into it. - This climbing- it's not like her at all- this is totally new.

I stopped her in the nick of time yesterday when she climbed onto her piano and almost pulled a house plant onto her head.

She stumbles and wiggles a lot! It's hard to wash her up and other basics with my huge belly, lack of energy, and slow response time; but that will change in a few weeks :)

Tonight she ran downstairs naked having escaped the bathtub. That's new.

And bud-a-bing, just now as I type this there was a loud bonk against the floor upstairs. She fell out of bed. I found the flush-faced bedhead sitting, confused and cranky in a pile of blankets.

To top it all off she doesn't listen worth beans. Especially while in public. It's very irritating.

But; I love that girl. I need my energy back though. This is really gonna be tough having two.

Creepy Little Mouse

2008-12-05T15:16:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Conrad on the phone when I saw this creepy mouse shadow. We hung up and I opened the blinds to reveal a little gray mouse. He crawled all over the screen for a while and then he fell eight feet to the cement below and scurried off. I didn't know what to do with it or myself so I took video footage.

I showed the video to Athena and she put her hands over her heart and said, "cute yidder mouse." (yidder = little)When he fell down she looked at me alarmed and started to cry. I told her, "It's okay he's happy! He ran off to the garden." she felt reassured and told me, "ty again" (try again - meaning she wants me to replay)

Click here to see the video Creepy Mouse

Photo Update

2008-12-03T20:39:00.000-08:00

Christmas Dress

Athena's got the camera
Painted the Nursery!! That was a fun date.
Athena and I were dancing to a slow song and she suddenly grabbed my face and wouldn't let me go. We had a moment. :)
On our way home from visiting Grandma Patty, Athena fell asleep with some loot she got while we were there.
We took a little tour of the farm.
And tried out the tire swing. Don't crack jokes about my size! I was dubbed the cranky rhino earlier- I only learned this AFTER I was in the car all dressed in... gray! Hehe- with the mood to match the title.
Playing with daddy after work.

I had a Baby Shower

2008-11-17T22:46:00.000-08:00

My friend and I shared a baby shower Saturday. We're due three days apart from each other. It was fun! I decided I like the joint showers because then I'm not in the limelight all alone. We both won some great loot. On the same day Conrad went shooting, then he went paint balling, then he had a LAN party. All with my brothers. By the end of the day he was tired of shooting stuff. Also on the same day Athena had her first birthday party. She gave a doll stroller to the two-year-old birthday girl from her nursery class at church. While there I gathered ideas for Athena's soon to be two-year-old party. It was a busy day and we were so ready to sleep by the end of it.

Halloween!

2008-11-01T00:06:00.001-07:00

Athena loved Halloween. She's really getting into the spirit of different holidays and it's so fun to get her excited about them. Conrad was Indiana Jones, I was a Geisha, and Athena was a fairy.
Later the next day Athena asked me to put her fairy wings back on and when I did she stood up and said, pointing outside, "pay haween?" (play Halloween?) She thought we could go trick or treating again. I told her Halloween was all done, but she could eat her candy if she wanted.

Photo Update

2008-10-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

Reading stacks of library books

Getting bigger (Due Nov 30th)

And Conrad's soccer season just ended

I admit, I am a Spy

2008-10-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

Athena was playing with the baby monitor first thing this morning and it picked up someone else's house. It was a man saying somewhat grumpily, "What are you doing?" to which there was no answer. Well I am nosy and a bit of a muckraker; I left it on and carried it downstairs with me as I made up some breakfast for us. I heard nothing until the father spoke with the baby who's words seemed to say, "I'm two." The father sang twinkle twinkle little star and the baby copied it. It was sweet. No abuse there. Good. I was satisfied with that and turned it off.

I admit, I am a spy. I like to know about my neighbors. And it's not always to collect shady info; one of my neighbors keeps an immaculate lawn. He does all his yard work on Mondays because Monday is his day off. He ALWAYS mows in a tie-died shirt. Always. A couple weeks ago he mowed on a Tuesday and NOT in a tie died shirt. Boy did that shake my world up! :)

Another of my neighbors who has since moved out, had two pit bulls I could see from my upstairs window. I once suspected that neighbor of involving his dogs in dog fight rings. But no evidence ever came of it, and it was most likely untrue.

Another neighbor spoke rudely to his wife while they set up a summer slide and pool for their three year old. -I was in my backyard too, just in earshot. When the wife made an almost inaudible suggestion on how to add shade to the set up, the husband said somewhat explosively, "that's stupid (wife's name)!" When this man talks you can hear him a couple backyards away. He is loud and bossy and abrasive. And I have often suspected him of verbal abuse. They always leave their backyard house light on. - that has nothing to do with abuse- it's just something I noticed.

Most of my suspicions are ungrounded and would never hold up in court, but I still watch. I keep an ear out for anything usual or unusual. I typically know every house who owns a dog and what breed of dog it is; that's because I am irrationally afraid of dogs and I feel like the more I 'know' which houses are 'dog' houses the more in control of the situation I am in. It actually heightens my anxiety over it and I am in fact in less control because I decided to care and take notice, instead of coasting by the house blissfully unaware. And really- I have to be careful because I have seen myself, on some days, turning into one of those hermits who never leaves her house but watches the world through mini blinds. okay that sounds like I sit by the window all day long. -no, I don't do that. But when I walk by my windows I look out them. Athena pulls me out of it because, she has social needs, and it's my job to see those needs are met.

Otherwise who knows what I would become!

Which 'Child' are You?

2008-10-26T21:41:00.001-07:00

Here's a poem I learned from MIL that is kind of fun:

Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace
Wednesday's child is full of woe
Thursday's child has far to go
Friday's child is loving and giving
Saturday's child works hard for a living
But the child born on the Sabbath day
is fair and wise and good and gay.
- Mother Goose

To calculate your day of birth plug in your numbers here: Calculate Day of Birth

I'm a Wednesday
Conrad is a Sunday
Athena is a Tuesday

We went to the Zoo

2008-10-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

We went to the zoo and Athena's favorite was the monkey cage. She kept mentioning "thatsa' mommy," "thasa' daddy," "thasa' baby." She is making sense of her world and classifies every adult male as a daddy, every woman as a mommy, and every kid as a baby. Yesterday she said, "bye bye daddy!" to the trash man. Uh oh Conrad.

Yesterday she stood on a chair and looked intently on a fly that came to sit on the chair's back. She gave it her sweetest smile, hunkered her little back down in a humble proposition as she cupped both her baby hands toward the bug. She directed some baby-lish at the fly in a sweet sing-song voice. Her face was the epitome of sweet humility; I just had to stop and enjoy it for a bit. I was going to record it, but the camera was upstairs, so I just watched instead. She gently moved her cupped palms toward the bug, entreating it to hop inside, but it flew away. She laughed as it buzzed around her. And - she goes back and forth: The other day I let her play with a worm and the worm ended up in a few crumbly pieces. Slugs though- they are very durable and she likes their little searching eyes. So unless her hands are salty, slugs are the best outdoor toy.

She loves her Aunt Leah, my little sister who's 16 years old. We are 11 years apart and Leah is 14 years older than Athena so it's like history repeating itself. They really hit it off! We visited grandma's house and I walked into Leah's room to find the two of them sitting on Leah's bed surrounded by soft fleece animals, and pink things, and other little 'pretties' that girls play with. Athena was smiling up at Leah with this total look of excited admiration. In her hand was a chap stick. Athena loves chap stick. I don't know why, but it makes her feel so special to have it in her little hand and reapply it every couple seconds. I've had to take it away in the past because it's messy on a cream colored couch. If she didn't dig in it I'd let her hold it longer. Anyway she looked up at me with this excited special smile and her eyes got big like she was about to have to protect her happy girlish moment. But I wasn't there to confiscate the chap stick. I kissed her head and said, "Do you have chap stick?!" She giggled excitedly. "You feel special!" Then I left the two of them to each other. Later I joked with Leah, "One of these days I won't be cool anymore and she's going to turn to you. You better steer her right!" :)

And an update on me: I'm 33 weeks along so only 7 weeks left to go! Holy moly- I'm in no hurry! Every time I hum baby kicks, and I like knowing one predictable thing about him. Every time I sing Athena says, "No! no! no!" What gives?! I have a relatively nice singing voice. (shrug)I have really enjoyed editing lately. I like being part of a team and being depended on outside of the family. It gives me a different angle of fulfillment that I don't find in my other favorite occupation... -that's mommy; just in case you inferred that I'm selling drugs or some other undercover shady deals.

I'm a scout leader for bears. I like being around those 'male' personalities. The over-excited hyped up immaturity common to that age is annoying and I'm not very patient with it. But on their better behavior, the male humor is refreshing; there's a certain open frankness there, and they just take life as it rolls. They don't over-think or hide their 'true feelings' about things. I can't find the right words right now, but a room full of boys and a room full of girls are such different rooms! I appreciate both, but I appreciate very different things about them. Each room is an entirely different experience.

I've been working in my garden, pulling weeds thigh high because it drives me crazy to see them and I hate to admit I was defeated by weeds once again this year. So come fall I hope to have it looking tidy before the snow hits. My Stella cherry looks diseased- still trying to figure out what it is. I canned a LOT of stuff this year and have really enjoyed doing it. I love seeing stocked shelves that I know will last roughly a year.

Here's what I did:
29 qts Peaches
31 pts Green beans -our own garden
16 pts and 11 qts Pears
7 qts Applesauce
4 qts Pickles
9 pts Apple pie filling
13 pts Tomato chunks - own garden (there's a lot more to come)
4 qts Tomato sauce
7 pts Salsa
10 qts apple slices
9 pts apple pie filling
1 qt apple butter

A picture would say a lot more, but maybe after I'm all done with it.

And last we put up Halloween decorations. Athena loves Halloween. She's catching the spirit of fun in it. I put up a little ghostie in the front yard that sways in the wind. -I've scared myself twice now as it moved in the corner of my eye. - lame? yes.

Four Year Olds

2008-09-23T14:20:00.001-07:00

At the library today Athena approached a four or five year old girl who was playing kid games on one of the computers. Athena had just surveyed all the stuffed animals in the library and had not found a single Elmo, so she was talking about it. She was asking the little girl, "Es Elmo?" (Where's Elmo) and then pointing at the girl's screen- a shapes matching game- "ooh! sat?" (Ooh what's that?) For the first time the girl turned from her game and said to Athena, "Will you go away?" then went back to her game. That didn't mean a thing to Athena. I half redirected her to an older girl who was cordial enough to say hi, but Athena found herself back at the younger girl's desk. The girl took off her fat headphones, looked up at me, and said, "Will you take her away? I don't want to listen to her boss me around." Without hearing my response she put her fat headphones back on and returned to her game.

Surprised and annoyed I took Athena's tiny hand in mine and led her to some book shelves. Wow.

In times past I watched a four year old shake a 12-month old Athena's hand off his shirt when she used him as a climbing/steadying rail. He was pretty annoyed with her. In another instance Athena ran down the driveway toward the two neighbor kids (who always stare at me and ask me never-ending questions - all of which have obvious answers.) She ran toward them in sheer delight; "hi! hi! hi!" she said ecstatically. As I watched her, new at walking, I hoped she wouldn't face plant on the cement. Athena looked up at the four year old girl, eyes shining for finding a new friend. The girl eyed her with a shrug and said, "I don't like babies much."

And I suppose it's normal four year old behavior. I suppose Athena will be the same way. Who knows? I'm new at this every step of the way. For now- I'm glad she doesn't understand all the rejection. I know mothers protect their children with their lives. All their heart, thoughts, love, and identity are tied into their children. Yet those very children we protect and direct- those same kids we invest all our worries, concerns and heart into - are tough! They are walking around - loved in unspeakable ways, worried for in unmeasurable amounts, and they have no clue! And the carefree kid world they live in is far different than the world adults see. I look at her innocence and I foresee it being incredibly difficult for me to send her out into a world that doesn't value her the way I do. But she will be fine, because even she doesn't understand that very value I hold for her, despite the fact that she's surrounded by it every minute of every day. That raw emotion that adults understand; the sweetest of the sweet and the bitterest of the bitter, children are protected from in a lair of unawareness. And it makes me wonder what other emotions are 'out there' that I haven't felt yet. Some emotions I hope never to experience the depth of. But it's undeniable how those emotions change our rationale and our 'person.' I see God as the ultimate parent and imagine myself as the child often. It puts life in perspective: I am four years old.

Some Favorite Scriptures

2008-09-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

Alma 30: 27-28. Korihor, the anti-Christ, speaking here:
"And thus ye lead away the people after the foolish traditions of your fathers, and according to your own desires; and ye keep them down, even as it were in bondage, that ye may glut yourselves with the labors of their hands, that they durst not look up with boldness, and that they durst not enjoy their rights and privileges. Yea they durst not make use of that which is their own lest they should offend their priests, who do yoke them according to their desires, and have brought them to believe, by their traditions and their dreams and whims and their visions and their pretended mysteries, that they should, if they did not do according to their words, offend some unknown being, who they say is God- A being who never has been seen or known, who never was nor ever will be."

I like this clear depiction of this common line of thinking found even today. It's believable because it has a thread of truth; history proves many times over that people are controlled and coerced in the name of religion. But it is not the case in most religions. Most religions serve the need of the individual.

Alma counters, "Not withstanding the many labors which I have preformed in the church, I have never received so much as one senine for my labor... And now, if we do not receive anything for our labors in the church, what doth it profit us to labor in the church save it were to declare the truth, that we may have rejoicings in the joy of our brethren? And now believest thou that we deceive this people that causes so much joy in their hearts?"

1 Corinthians 2:13-14
"...we speak not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual. But the natural man perceiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: For they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned."

1 Nephi 21:23
"They shall not be ashamed that wait for me."

2 Nephi 8:12-13
"I am he; yay, I am he that comforteth you. Behold, who art thou, that thou shouldst be afraid of man, who shall die, and of the son of man, who shall be made like unto grass? And forgettest the Lord thy maker, that hath stretched forth the heavens, and laid the foundations of the earth..."

2 Nephi 12:22
"Cease ye from man, whose breath is in his nostrils; for wherein is he to be accounted of?"

Alma 22:18 (A re-occurring favorite)
"Oh God...if there is a God, and if thou art God, will thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee..."

Athena update

2008-09-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

I was about to climb in the bath with Athena when she looked at me with an easy smile and articulately said, "tou ah siddy mamma" (you are silly mama). It really floored me! I wasn't expecting it. I laughed and repeated it too like I do with every new thing she says. I climbed in feeling a little self conscious. Maybe she's getting too old for baths with mommy. Conrad has decided she's too old for bath time with him. Maybe a little longer. My baby's growing up! She'll be two in December.

Today I brought a green-shielded stink bug in from the garage for her to look at. We watched it crawl around on the kitchen chair, and floor, and on my hand. She wanted to hold it, but then got squeamish. She laughed a lot. She was really enjoying it. When he sprouted his wings and flew around we both recoiled in girly giggles.

"Should I put him outside?" I asked her.
"Yes!" she said.

On the way out the door he flew to the window and we caught him again. We watched as he stepped off my hand and crawled around on the cement. We sat a while looking over there, talking about this and that, and suddenly, I smelled a stink bug.

She had sat right on him and when I picked her up he was pretty maimed, but still alive.

"Uh-oh, the bug got an owie." I said. She was concerned. Of course she didn't know it was her fault. I finished the job with a smooth stone and knew that if she saw it smashed against the pavement she might cry about it. After all, it was her little friend for a while and she is sensitive to those things. So I left him under the stone and said, "Bye-bye bug. Come, come Athena; we go inside now."

A few other words:
She knocks on doors and announces, "poming!" (coming)
She learned from Elmo, "Ta-da!" She stands on the table, hands outstretched. "Ta-da!" We're working on not standing on the table. It was okay for a while, but it really shouldn't be.

She asks me for the fly-swatter and smacks at the house flies, but she hasn't succeeded in getting any yet. It frustrates her. Just wait, she'll get good and then it'll be her job. The way she asks for things is, "peas!" (please)I hear that all day long. :)

Update on Athena

2008-09-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

I was IM'ing Brielle and mentioned Athena says this, "yada yada" and Brielle says, "She talks?! Sarah, you need to update your blog!" So here goes and you can thank Brielle.

Athena (20 months old) does talk. She mostly asks, "wha sat?" (what's that) and she likes to label things; "isa momma" "isa daddy" "isa baby" "is elmo"- pointing at all the appropriate people. Elmo is part of the family in that way. She loves Elmo. We were at Best Buy and she was tired and cranky. As we walked in she pointed ecstatically and shouted "Elmo Elmo!" we didn't see Elmo anywhere, but on the way out there was in fact a little stand with Elmo dvds and dolls. So we sat there on the ground and played with them while Conrad finished his shopping.

Her words:
"hat"
"mouse"
"mice"
"bubbo" - bubbles
"moom" - moon
"wums" - worms
"didi" - dirty
"titty" :) - kitty
"ticky" - sticky (hands)
"happy"
"puppy"
"whas at?" or "what is sat?" - what's that
"hi baby" - whenever we see strangers "hi momma"
"is hat is gone" - his hat is gone - her longest sentence ever.
"peas" - please. She uses it a lot to get what she wants
"no! heyyy" - no hey!- it's her assertive 'knock it off' statement.
"no baby" - when I pour water on her head in the bath. She attaches 'baby' to lots of her no's - maybe I do that and she's just copying. (??)
"wow"
"is otay" it's okay
"baw" ball
"shoes"
"juice"
"mess"
"bee"
"seen" - it's an invented word often coupled with "bye seen!"
"beas" - another invented one. coupled with "isa beas!" yesterday she added a t to it and exclaimed to Conrad about the vacuum cleaner, "isa beast!"
there are a few more, but that covers the basics
she loves:
cottage cheese and chips, cucumbers. And she likes the novelty of picking things outside and eating them- like strawberries and tomatoes. Sometimes she'll eat some green bitter tomato bites- weird kid. And ripe ones make her skin around her mouth rash up till we wash the acidic juice off, but she still eats them- again for the novelty; they are not nearly as cool in her highchair. I have to teach her that not every fruit-looking-thing on a plant is edible; like Oregon grape or crabapple at the park.

She chased her friend around the house yesterday saying,"Hey hey hey!" then spanked her little hiney (not hard) and then walked off. I do that to her in my rough house play. It's a game. I never expected to see her do it to another kid! Her friend (19 months) was like, "er okay" and kept playing.

In nursery other kids will cry, and after she gets over her own initial crying she will go around and hug and kiss the children and say, "is otay." We have a book about feelings and it shows a comic strip where a boy drops his ice cream cone and cries with a red face. She bawled with her head on the ground when she saw it. She understands when people are sad, but she doesn't realize yet that she can be the cause of another's sorrow.

The "nursery bully" took her toy and she pushed his chest and said, "no." He cried and stalked off. That's my girl! (flashback: When I was in nursery a red-headed boy took each kid's toy and smacked their heads one by one. I surrendered my toy and scurried under a table thinking- I have no toy, therefore he'll leave me alone. He smacked my head anyway!) So - Good job Athena! You tell em!

She likes other kids. She often chases older kids around. "hi babies!" She shouts. She doesn't know 'kid, boy or girl' yet. There's more, but she won't let me be on here long.

I'm Hades after all; Whaddya' know...

2008-06-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

I don't often take facebook quizzes, but sometimes I do and the last one was, "Which Greek god/goddess are you?" Would you believe I'm Hades?

Right. I'm Hades. And The Rock is My Little Pony. My personality quiz then dubbed my personality, "The Nurturer" which I can vouch for. But Hades?!

These results came in after having told Conrad all about a news article I read where children in Haiti were being hurt in unspeakable ways.

Up until then I had always, while I was a teenager, wanted to be a guardian angel. That started after I heard the news of a teenage boy who fell to his death from a ride at Astroworld in front of his very own mother. I cried a lot for that mother. And even younger, when I was about 6 and I heard of the old woman who put her sweet poodle "to dry" in the microwave. She thought it was a dryer. My brothers laughed; and who can blame them? But I cried. I have always been this way. And though you never found me crying in church meetings I was quick to tears in someone's misfortune.

Now I'm a mother and my heart is even more vulnerable than ever- motherhood does that to a person- and you see me cry in church all the time. Things mean so much more now, now that I feel so much.

But after reading the Haiti article- children being hurt the way they were- I told Conrad that when I die, I want to be a destroying angel. I told him I want to "go in there and shoot em' up!" To end the tyranny. To comfort the children. To save the innocents!

Hades? Yeah, I guess so! But only for the same reason I am also "The Nurturer."

Goodbye Old Friend

2008-06-04T11:21:00.000-07:00

I just shed a tear for a beautiful piece of machinery. When the Geeley scooter we used during college quit working Conrad and Jeff took some tools to it. After a few hours and a now heap of junk later, they decided it would cost more to fix it than it was to buy it to begin with. So we let it sit in the garage in a puddle of oily grease until recently when I decided to clean the garage and get rid of old stuff.

Really I had wanted it to go to a salvage yard. I hate to see all that usefulness go to waste. But in a moment of decisiveness, and wanting to just get it taken care of, and not worry about it any longer, I arranged to have it picked up with the weekly trash.

I almost didn't watch when the trash man came by. But I had to farewell it so I looked out the window as he lifted it and scooted it over the crushing threshold. And tears stung my eyes for the knowledge of lost potential. I watched the compacter crush it and I regretted tossing it. If I could do it again I would have called 'this and that' number and I would have found a better place for it. But as it is, it sits broken and future-less in a field of hopelessly abandoned trash that no one will ever care about or make good use of.

There's no looking back though. I can't live in regret over it. I saved its mini sized license plate. Maybe I'll hang it somewhere in memory of what once was.

What We've Been up to -In Pictures

2008-05-28T21:16:00.000-07:00

An Accidental Lunge and Kiss

2008-05-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

I woke up and snickered at myself at 2:27 this morning, because I caught myself doing something goofy in my sleep. I dreamed I was laughing and playing with Athena. Conrad rolled over so he was facing me. I opened my eyes, but remained in my dream. I playfully lunged up at his face and kissed his nose with a loud smack. "Mwa!" I exaggerated out loud. I realized only then that it was not Athena, but Conrad and apparently, we were both in mid slumber. Worried I had made him grumpy (I woulda' been) I whispered in earnest, "Oh sorry, I thought you were Athena!" He didn't reply, eyes still closed. I rolled over, checked the clock and laughed to myself before going back to sleep.

I asked him about it in the morning. He has no recollection.

Look what I can do! Just an update.

2008-05-17T08:48:00.000-07:00

Let's see, what other updates: She wants to drink from a cup. She wants to feed herself, unless I'm sharing something yummy from whatever I'm eating- then she'll let me feed her. She says, "dada, momma, hi, beby and ba" (for ball) and she's starting to say "poobie."

- Which is a word that we call each other around here. It just came into my head one day and I thought it but didn't say it because it sounded too weird. But it screamed in my head to be said. We started using it when we brought home a little ultrasound picture of Athena. She looked like a chubby little grub. We stuck it to the fridge and dubbed it poobie. And it stuck.

She can climb on chairs, she loves to be outside, but gets annoyed when I work on weed pulling. She loves when dad comes home and throws her around outside, then he tinkers in the garden while she plays with rocks. She swings on the little dog house which bunny never used.

She points at the moon, birds, planes and we chase butterflies.

She likes to look at the washing machine fill up. She goes up and down stairs alone, and throws things down them. She likes to hide behind me and laugh when I finally discover her. She runs away when I say, "lets change your diaper." She does a lot these days. too much to write. We'll have to come visit the farm soon so she can play with her cousins. It's nice having family close.

Just Rambling about College Days

2008-05-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

First- in order to post this I had to search every room in the house to find my wireless mouse which Athena likes to play with. I usually just find it on the office floor but today it was in my shoe. Anyway,

I miss school! I miss preparing, reading, writing and thinking. Honestly, I don't really learn new stuff anymore. My brain is mushy and feeble. I miss the accountability and the get-it-done nature of school. - But with it, the carefree nature of just me and Conrad that really characterized that part of life for me; the cozy warm apartment and snow piled high outside. Working out in the gym, swimming before class and knowing just how many minutes I could take in the shower in order to get to class in the nick of time. Smart young people all around me. But most of all- the feeling that I could do and be anything I wanted. It's empowering, that limitless aspiration I felt.

Now, I'm coming out of a funk. Nauseous all day long. My agenda? Sitting, sleeping, puking. Sedentary, no learning, no exercise, no dreaming; just existing. Sleeping too much just to get away from myself. Ants taking up residence under the highchair because my floors are nasty and the counters are always piled with food which makes me vomit. Conrad eating bachelor food because I lack all sense of will or creativity and fortitude of stomach to go near food; I'm happy to eat kid food with Athena.

No will. Just zombie. And I knew this would happen. This is what my first trimesters look like.

Well it's all changing for me! The nausea is going away. Gag reflex still high, but I'm not exhausted and I'm developing a Will again. And today I looked up from reading a BYU-Idaho magazine, with a smile and a tear; I recall those empowering feelings I felt while I was there in school. I recall the learning and changing and freedom I felt there.

My previous environment was full of racial tension and hate. No one looked upward and onward. No one aspired. Everyone was hardened by this defense they carried around that hindered them from really doing anything that mattered. It's a draining environment.

So today I recall my first days there at Ricks; It was a culture shock. People looked you in the eye and. they. smiled. I walked around feeling like a thwarted person who'd been crammed in something for too long and I began to stretch and dream and grow, and the result was amazing! And I miss that feeling.

So I'm going to create a syllabus for myself, and give myself an hour alone every morning. Cozy up to a book, meditate and breath new life into this sorry sap of a person I am lately! :) No offense self, but really; snap out of it girl!

On the upside, I love what a softie pregnancy has made me; I cry at commercials. I am touched by everything and amid all the physical mental sappage, it is a reminder that I am a human with a human heart. And I love to feel deeply with my woman's heart. It's the most beautiful, redeeming and engulfing thing I experience. I could even call it sacred.

Can I just say, I love having a girl!

2008-05-01T22:28:00.000-07:00

Oh! And she's walking now!

We have 300 new pets that live on our dryer.

2008-03-31T21:02:00.000-07:00

Conrad has a "No livestock in the house" policy but he got really excited over this new composting method, so now we have 300 worms soundlessly nibbling away at our kitchen scraps day and night. We keep them on our dryer for now since it's too cold outside. It's cute to see how excited Conrad gets over this. I like seeing him care about his new little wormies.

He found them all crawling into the wrong shelf yesterday where there's no food. He said, "Sarah, help me move the worms!" It was so sweet to see him care about helpless worms.

It's a cool system: Just a bunch of boxes stacked on top of each other. Each box has an open top and a grate like bottom. You put the scraps in the top shelf where all the worms eat it. The resulting compost falls through the grate and a week or two later you pull out the bottom shelf and use that rich beautiful fertile compost.

Since the worms like to hang out with the food up top, the lower shelf has worm free compost. Yay!

Oh- That spigot is to let the "worm tea" out. It's high in nutrients. - ahem for plants that is, and I hear it's actually pretty expensive to buy.

Life as a Vampire

2008-03-28T19:37:00.000-07:00

I find myself wearing long silky black lingerie gloves of all things in the car. When I bought them online, I didn't intend to seduce anyone with them. I just want sun protection while driving. But NOBODY sells anything like what I want.

Sometimes it's hard to find exactly what you're looking for. I come from a family of engineers who research all the possibilities and inner workings of a thing before they consider buying. Most spouses find it annoying, but customer satisfaction is high.

I'm far from an engineer, but I can get pretty specific about how I want some things to work. Take for example my Porphyria; Gardening gloves are easy to come by, but I recently decided this was the summer to get a set of driving gloves - that I can feel comfortable wearing in public as well. Something that doesn't stand out too much while driving either. I sometimes use red mittens. People are always surprised to get flipped off by my red kermit the frog mittens. - That's a joke. I do not flip people off in traffic. But what a way to emphasize your rage than to do it with red mittens, eh?

Anyway so I bought some gloves. My specifications?
1. Tightly woven fabric- limits sun permeation
2. Dark color - light colors bounce the reflection into my face. That burns.
3. Elbow length - protects arms in short sleeves.

I may just take up wearing long gloves and a stylish hat everywhere I go. Wearing jackets all summer long really bites. I get sweaty and stinky. I always have to explain myself a little when I throw on that "summer trench coat" before I step out into the searing heat.

My first summer in Rexburg I was walking down main street looking for a job and a bank. I was dressed in black pants, black hoodie windbreaker and black sunglasses. As sweet and innocent as I am, I scared an old woman. I had smiled at her, but she studied me up and down warily and side stepped away from me as we passed each other. As I kept walking it settled in that I frighten old people. That bothered me.

Now, my brother Adam wears a heavy and hooded black jacket, thick leather black gloves and sunglasses. I told him he could pass for a Sith Lord. He was about to enter a restaurant when a man who was about to enter the same restaurant approached him and asked, no joke, "Are you gonna' rob the place?" Adam answered no, and the man nodded "I just had to know." I think he had his family with him. And Adam wasn't offended. I mean, what are people supposed to think?

Why black? Because light colors reflect the sun in a painful way. But black has always been a haven. Blacktop tar parking lots are wonderful- Those regular cement ones are merciless.

Anyway- The gloves work okay, but I need some rubber grippy nubs on them because I can't even use my thumb to pull out my debit card and stuff like that. Back to the drawing board my engineers.

Solemnity.... Propriety (Title to be read like the Corpse Bride's pious mother)

2008-03-16T22:23:00.000-07:00

At church today a whole family of 7 got up as a group, and the parents spoke while the kids stood around them. I watched them from a big projector screen. (stk conf). The littlest girl was about 3 I'd say. She had blond pigtails and she was so excited to be by the mic. She waved high and wide at the audience from her mom's hip. She was elated and her happy face was like this little ball of energy. She turned to throw an animated smile at her teenage brother behind her and, I missed the inconspicuous rebuke he must have given her, but when she turned back around her whole manner changed; she hunkered down, her lips stuck out like a little pouting duck and her eyes were dark and angry.

Seeing the change was so funny! Because I can recall many times in childhood where I felt like that! I still feel like that sometimes. You give the world your best excitement; but then someone spits on your shoe so to speak because they don't see why anything should be that joyful. Or even worse, your joy has inappropriate timing. It happens to me particularly in issues having to do with formality; a lot of times I don't see why we have to be so somber about some things. Take for example a baby shower or bridal shower; - room full of women. There should be SO mUCh TalkING! But they don't know each other so they clam up and sit like uncomfortable pretty statues. And the longer we sit there the more uncomfortable it gets! So I start talking to break the ice: I either end up looking like a weirdo who talks about things people usually think but don't say; or it turns out well and before you know it we're talking about children or swapping labor stories. At any rate I don't usually see these women much after that, so it's okay.

Rant on meetings and getting lost

2008-03-08T21:28:00.000-08:00

I hate getting lost. I do it all the time, and I feel stupid every time. I went off to a scout training meeting, Athena in tow- I didn't get a sitter lined up in time. The training was supposed to be on abuse- recognizing it and all that. It was scheduled for 9am to 3pm- odd? Yeah. I figured I'd do 3 hours max. That should cover it right? Still I had little faith it would be covered in that time.

Well I got lost because the street that was supposed to be named 2nd was actually named something else. I wandered back and forth then finally called Conrad to look it up for me and guide me there. As he gave me directions from googlemaps.com I imagined he saw my little car driving around aimlessly on the map- a big arrow following it around that says: "Here's stupid" I got there half an hour late- irritated with myself and the situation.

Once inside, a sign at the foot of the stairs said, "Scout training session on the left" I was thinking, You sure it's the left? It's not going to change its name halfway up the stairs is it? Inside the meeting no one had children- I knew that would be the case- only 15 to 20 people were there and the scout leader was talking sooo sloooww. He was describing the duties of each leader type; "and the cub master's job is fun because they get to do this, and the weblos are like that." There was no way Athena was going to stay quiet for this; without other kids to counter her the tiniest peep was an offense to the silence.

I asked the guy next to me when they were going to get to the abuse training. He said they were doing it now and that it would last 3 hours. He didn't know that I perceived a joke in his comment; why, yes this would be abuse wouldn't it? Even though I spent half an hour searching for this place I immediately knew I wouldn't stay. I sat there a grand total of 2 minutes, then left. Wasting half an hour to get someplace doesn't warrant wasting an additional 3 hours just because you want to make that initial wasted half hour count for something.

If the meeting doesn't apply to me I'd rather be home. And I'm new to scouting, but so far every scout meeting I've been to is a huge waste of time. The part where you're with the boys is fun and worthwhile. The adult meetings: lame-wad.

I got lost leaving that meeting too. I know, I'm completely hopeless.

So - is my blog less lame now?

2008-02-29T13:13:00.000-08:00

Does this fuzzy picture of my hot farm boy load at normal speed?

Mystery Tree Discovered

2008-02-29T13:08:00.000-08:00

I've been loving this tree since I set eyes on it last year. I've wondered what its name was so I could buy one and stick it in my yard. It's a Globe Willow! thanks to my smart friends at gardenbuddies.com.

Athena Totaled Conrad's Computer

2008-02-29T13:06:00.000-08:00

Conrad’s computer is on ground level and Athena likes to mess with it. I vote put the computer up - it’s called baby proofing. But for whatever reason that is impossible. “Its cables won't reach that high,” or “It will encroach on my desk space.” You could say it’s a bit of a debate here. Well, my parenting style is to interfere as little as possible, and yes that style, albeit somewhat lazy, is changing right along with Athena’s abilities.

She likes to get behind Conrad’s computer and tug on the wires. — Is that fact a little un-nerving for those of you who trust in Conrad’s server’s reliability? — Anyhow, I figured the little annoyances she committed would get him to move the computer up. So I didn’t run to stop her when she was playing behind his computer yesterday. She had that look on her face that children get when they are having educational play; you could see those brain cogs spinning. I didn’t interfere. Until a little later when I felt like I should so I did.

Well during her bath that night Conrad asks, “Why isn’t my computer working?” I knew right away. “I don’t know honey; Athena was playing behind it today.” Well, neither of us knows what she did, but Conrad has to re-install his operating system and the programs that go with it. And he lost his whole hard drive, and the taxes that were filed in there.

Of course he was justifiably accusatory at first, and I felt my argument was holding up well, my voice the kind, rational sounding one; I was gaining ground. He calmed himself and went to fix the damage like the upbeat problem solver he is, and I knew it was all my fault.

So there’s a baby gate to the office entrance. And now he’s not worried that his valuable computer is taking a beating while his wife is off in another room, indifferent. Aww, I’m sorry Conrad! Sounds pretty bad in that light.

I still vote put it up higher. whatever, a baby gate works too.